Mental Health

How to Relax More and Boost Productivity

May 27, 2018 by Marya 2 Comments

Are you as crazy busy as I am? With all the things on our plate, there’s just never enough time to get everything on my to do list done. Last year’s beach vacation is a distant memory.

It’s hard to make the time to relax and take it easy during the school year with the endless demands of taking care of our families and running a household.

Even during vacations, many of us cram non-stop activity into what’s supposed to be some well deserved time off. Most of us are overworked to some degree and we don’t take enough time out to just relax. We say to ourselves that there isn’t really enough time and we’ll get to it some day.

Many of us work long hours each day. And not only that, but we’re expected to focus more, multitask and get more done in those hours than ever before.

We’re continually expected to learn new technology and are bombarded with even more new information on an almost daily basis. Thanks to our mobile phones and tablets, we’re always reachable…always connected.

Our minds are engaged and going on full blast from the moment we wake up to the moment our head finally hits the pillow.

What most of us don’t get is much rest and relaxation.

This lack of rest and relaxation can quickly become a problem. We’re simply not made to go non stop for 18 hours a day or more. We might be able to do it for a short amount of time when necessary, but it’s not a sustainable, long-term strategy for anyone and will lead to health consequences.

Without having enough rest and taking the time to relax, we become less productive and less creative.

Making the time to relax will help you get more done AND boost productivity in the long run.

Here’s a quick example. If you’ve ever been parent of young children, you know that you’re not at your best if you’ve been up with a sick child for a few days. Without having enough time to relax and recharge, you get anxious and short tempered with everyone.

It’s hard to be the same patient and loving parent that you generally try to be. This is also true in every area of your life. You need time to recharge to continue to do your best.

When was the last time you took a few hours just to relax? Make the time for it, especially when you’re extra busy and have a lot to get done.

Even a short break to go for a walk, take a quick nap, or lose yourself in a good book or movie for a bit will do wonders for both your frame of mind and your overall productivity. You’ll come back refreshed with a clear mind and renewed sense of purpose.

Your productivity increases greatly after a break and some rest, particularly if you’ve been working too hard. Make rest and relaxation a priority in your life. You deserve it!

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5 Easy Breathing Techniques to Reduce Anxiety

May 26, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

5 easy breathing techniques to reduce anxiety

In the Nasty Health Dangers of Chronic Stress I talked about the effects of stress and knowing the warning signs that you’re on stress overload. As you learn to recognize the signs that you’re feeling stressed out, one great tool to have in your arsenal are easy breathing techniques to reduce anxiety.

This doesn’t have to be complicated, and it can be as simple as taking a deep breath.

Hold on to this thought…the simple act of taking a few deliberate and slow breaths can help to reduce your stress levels dramatically. Easy breathing techniques are relaxing, supply the body with plenty of fresh oxygen, and relieve any tension you may have built up.

There’s lots of different ways to practice easy breathing techniques to reduce anxiety, relax and release that awful feeling of stress.

One of my favorite things to do when I’m feeling stressed out and life feels like it’s just too much is to go outside for a quick walk. For me, this usually looks like walking around my big yard with my dogs a few times. It doesn’t even have to be long, 10 minutes at a time a few times a day is so beneficial. It releases tension, and is relaxation and rejuvenating.

You might think if it’s dragging you away from your desk that it’s a waste of time, but give it a try. Being inside or sitting at a computer for hours is incredibly draining. You’ll come back inside with more energy and a much clearer mind. You’ll get that time back and then some!

4-7-8 Breathing Technique

One of the many problems with stress is that it gives us a really short fuse. And that makes it harder to be kind and patient with those closes to us! Letting that anger out is rarely helpful. Instead, walk away and practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique. It’s really pretty simple!

Breathe in for 4 seconds.
Hold your breathe for 7 seconds.
Exhale for 8 seconds.
Repeat once or twice.

It may not seem like much, but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel! While it may not do much to treat chronic stress in the long run, it is a quick distraction for your mind and an effective strategy to calm down quickly.

Try a Breathing Meditation

Breathing meditation techniques are very beneficial to know. They’re a very effective treatment to reduce anxiety and stress. Not only that, but they’re easy to do and you can do them anywhere…while waiting in your car, at the office, or standing in line anywhere. The basic idea is to take a few minutes to sit (or stand) quietly, with your eyes closed (if practical) focusing your mind only on your breath. Feel the air flowing in and out of your nose and try not to think of about anything else.

It’s very effective breathing technique once you get the hang of it. It does take practice, but do give it a try.

Deep Abdominal Breathing

Get in a quiet place, place your hands on your abdomen. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Try to completely expel the air.

Alternate nostril breathing

While sitting on the floor is optimal, you can also do this in the car.

Place the thumb of your right hand on your right nostril and press firmly. Take in a breathe through your left nostril.
Place the ring finger of your right hand on your left nostril and press firmly. Remove your right thumb from your right nostril and slowly breathe out.

Equal breathing

Sit in a comfortable position, either at your desk or on the floor with your spine straight. Breathe in and out for equal counts, ranging from 1-4. Once you’re comfortable, you might try it for a bit longer.

Daily Breath Awareness

Schedule a 5 minute breath awareness during a quiet time of the day. Turn everything off, tune out and just focus on your natural breathing pattern. You can even do this in 1 minute breaks if that’s all you’ve got. Being conscious of your breathing will reduce anxiety, soothe emotions and even boost your energy.

Breathing exercises of any time will help to sooth frazzled nervous symptoms. I hope you’ll give these techniques a try!

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10 Signs You Are Stressed Out

May 25, 2018 by Marya 1 Comment

Stress really isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a natural process designed to protect or at the very least prepare us for imminent danger. Stress is what helps us run from threats or push through chaotic situations. But it’s important to recognize the signs that you are stressed out.

Also, stress can also motivate us to stop procrastinating and get our work done. It’s what makes us buckle down and get to that task that we’ve been procrastinating about.

In small doses and for a short time, stress is a good thing. It becomes a problem when we are totally stressed out and it’s constant. Chronic stress is what causes things like adrenal fatigue, high blood pressure, belly fat and heart disease.

But stress is tricky…it builds up slowly and sneaks up on us. We get used to that feeling of constantly being over worked and over stimulated.

If you have a constant wired, tense feeling, more than likely you are stressed out.

Many times we don’t even realize just how stressed out we are until something major happens and our body then forces us to slow down.

Don’t let it get that far. Learn to recognize the early signs you are stressed out. Learn to control the stress, work on reducing the stressful situation, and most importantly make time to rest and relax so you can recover from the unavoidable stress and pressure life throws at you.

Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” – Khalil Gibran

10 Signs You Are Stressed Out

A general feeling of anxiety and feeling unwell.
Trouble sleeping.
Lack of concentration and focus.
Mindless eating and snacking throughout the day. (Sweet and salty foods are particularly appealing!)
Needing a nightly glass of wine or beer to unwind.
Feeling overwhelmed.
Hair loss
Compromised immunity.
Depression and loneliness.
GI symptoms including nausea, dizziness, and diarrhea.

The problem is that these symptoms of being stressed can stress us out even more. We may respond by pushing harder, which makes us feel even worse.

How Do You Relieve Stress?

The only way to break the cycle of being stressed out all the time is to address THE problem… the stress.

We can do this by making a conscious effort to cut (or reduce) stress, learning simple relaxation techniques, and learning to give ourselves the time and rest that we need to recover.

Limit caffeine.
Don’t drink to relieve stress. Alcohol will likely make things worse.
Increase physical activity
Try meditation
Talk to a friend
Keep a journal or try adult coloring
Improve your time management
Know when to say no.
Take a day trip out in nature.
Join our 30 day stress reduction challenge for easy to implement, actionable tips to reduce stress in your life!

In this life, we’re all going to experience stress. Unchecked it can contribute to poor health.We can’t always control everything. But we can control how we respond to it.

You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

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The Ultimate Guide to Power Naps

May 24, 2018 by Marya 2 Comments

Throughout our 30 Day Stress Reduction Challenge, I’m going to be sharing some of my essential stress busters with my readers. These are quick and easy stress reducing tips that you can put to work right immediately to relax more and stress less.

You might not love all of them, but I’d like to encourage you to give each of them a try. Keep the ones that work well for you and put them to work whenever you’re feeling especially stressed out. You’ll feel better and more capable almost immediately and you’ll feel encouraged to have some coping mechanisms in place when life gets crazy.

In yesterday’s post I talked a little bit about the importance of adequate rest and sleep in particular. Everyone needs sleep to recover from busy and chaotic days. During times when you don’t get enough rest, and are sick or just plain feel worn down, one of the best things you can do to stay healthy and productive is to take a nap.

Naps aren’t just for babies. They’re just as important for frazzled, stressed out moms. You might tell yourself that you’re too old for naps, don’t need them, or can’t sleep during the day.

Totally false.

Believe it or not, there are many cultures around the world where it’s totally acceptable and even common to nap during the day. Research shows that napping is incredibly beneficial and will actually help you get more done. It’s been shown to be so powerful that some companies now encourage employees to take power naps work.

You don’t even have to actually get to sleep to benefit from napping. Just lay down, get comfortable, close your eyes and chill out for a bit. This rest instead of actual sleep will still be helpful. And if you do go to sleep, you don’t have to stay asleep for very long to benefit from a nap. Sleeping as little as two to five minutes is enough to refresh your brain.

If you’re worried about waking up groggy, try a coffee nap. You heard me right. The idea of a coffee nap is to drink a cup of coffee right before you lay down for a short nap. Because it takes your body a while to process the caffeine, you’ll be able to take a short nap and wake up alert and ready to tackle the rest of your busy day. Bulletproof coffee naps are a great way to fuel your afternoon.

My Tips for the Best Afternoon Power Naps Ever

Know your body’s rhythms. For many people around 1:00 – 3:00 is the best time for a power nap. A typical power nap can be from 10-20 minutes. Some people might need 30-60 minutes. These might leave you groggy, however you might want to have some coffee ready when you get up. (If you live with chronic illness, you’ll probably need longer naps. Sometimes I need 90 minutes to 2 or more hours. There’s nothing wrong with this. People with chronic illness fatigue faster and need more restorative time than the general population.)
If you can, dim the room and lower the air temperature to under 70 degrees.
Keep a pen and pad of paper close by in order to jot down anything that runs across your mind that might keep you from fully resting. You’ll know where that thought is and be able to follow up with it later.
Turn your cell phone ringer and notifications off. If you have to be up at a certain time, set an alarm.
Use a sleep mask will help to create a dark environment to fall asleep faster.

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Why You Must Find Time to Relax

May 23, 2018 by Marya 2 Comments

Does it seem like the world just keeps moving faster and faster? We’re working long hours, parenting, keeping up the house and yard and trying to fit in a social life in between.

We’re busier than ever, yet we are all still limited to the same twenty-four hours each day. Something has to give and unfortunately rest and relaxation are the first to go.

Sleep is essential for our long term health and survival. We can’t survive very long without it. If you’ve ever had a newborn in the house or been in any other situation where you didn’t get much sleep for days and weeks on end, you know how bad the effects of sleep deprivation can be.

Severe lack of sleep will be noticeable very quickly. Everyone has that occasional sleepless night but after a few days you’ll feel completely frazzled.

You can pull one all-nighter, but go for a couple of days on little-to-no sleep and you’ll start to feel like you’re going insane.

Sometimes people think that cutting back on sleep here and there is okay but it’s really burning the candle at both ends and sooner or later your body will pay the price.

We need to make rest, relaxation, and adequate sleep a priority to stay healthy and productive. Maybe you feel like you get more done when you get up a little earlier or go to bed a little later.

You might feel like you’re catching up on work when you bring it home on the weekend to work on. Sure, it gives you more hours to work on all that backlogged stuff, but it often doesn’t make you any more productive. Work will fill the space that you give to it.

By making rest and relaxation a priority and giving both body and mind to recharge, we can get just as much done in a shorter amount of time. That’s what I hope to show you during this month long exploration on the topic of relaxing and reducing stress.

Unfortunately it feels like we’ve forgotten how to rest and relax. Running on cylinders all daylong can feel exhilarating and super productive, but eventually you’ll crash. Taking intentional periods of relaxation will heal your body from the adrenaline surges and chronic stress and when you return to it, you’ll feel refreshed and more productive.

How to Find Time to Relax

Start a journal. Spend a few days noting how you’re spending your time and then you can make intentional decisions about eliminating time wasters.
Learn to say no. There can be so many demands from our family, kids’ activities, church and community. Most of them are probably worthwhile, but can you really handle them all? Identify what’s most important to you at this season of your life and let the rest go.
Take digital breaks. A great time to do this might be Saturday evening to Sunday evening. Turn the 24 hour news cycle off and get outside if you can. Your brain needs the break from the constant stream of content intake.
Ask for help. Outsource what you can. You shouldn’t and can’t do it all. Find family members to help with caregiving and household tasks. Hire a housecleaner if you can.
Take a nap. There’s nothing wrong with taking a little down time in the afternoon so that you can keep on being productive later in the day.
Practice deep breathing and meditation techniques. Deep breathing is a great way to reduce adrenaline surges and stress hormones. Just slow, even breaths will help tremendously.
Make an appointment with yourself for self care. It might be a nice hot shower, some yoga, foot bath or curling up with a book. Whatever works for you!

Relaxation and self care have to be intentional before they become ingrained habits, so go ahead and find time to relax!

Join us for Stress Reduction for Busy Moms & find a calmer you in 30 days!

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How To Thrive As A Mom With Chronic Illness

May 5, 2018 by Marya 8 Comments

Getting diagnosed with cervical dystonia in 2010 was the worst thing that could happen to me as a special needs mom. Cervical dystonia is a movement disorder that comes with relentless chronic pain as the muscles in my neck and shoulders are continuously spasming and shaking. Some days I look like I have Parkinson’s. It’s limiting and completely exhausting.

On top of that, I was recently diagnosed with ulcerative colitis as well. One more thing. I recently began the Gaps Diet and struggle trying to remember to take my meds.

Truthfully, many days I’m struggling with Mommy Guilt. I have two children with special needs, one who definitely will never drive and the other is questionable at this point. I watch the moms around me who endlessly chauffeur their kids to enrichment activities, field trips and theme parks. Disney is an hour away and we’ve never gone as a family. We’re home a lot, which is fine with me but I feel bad about the kids missing out. One trip out results with my getting wiped out, sometimes for days. But I still get up and do it when I can..

I know my kids have missed out and it hurts me. I’m the mom who likes to experience everything and I was able to do it with my older kids who are now adults.

How to Thrive as a Mom With Chronic Illness

Determine Your Priorities

For me, to seek God’s will and direction every day of my life is foundational to everything else. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years and have been sober since 1988. My recovery is contingent on my spiritual condition so…first things first.

Learn to Detach

As a special needs mom I have to go the distance in ways most moms don’t have to. I constantly have to think ahead and be ready for anything. This has come at a price. I began to think that the outcome of everything was dependent upon my efforts.

The reality is that I’m a finite person with limited physical capabilities. I can’t do everything. This is where the 12 step motto “Let Go and Let God” comforts me. I have to remember that He’s in control and loves my kids more than I ever could. All He’s asking me to do is be a faithful servant to the best of my ability.

Practice self care

I’ve struggled with disordered eating and various other destructive behaviors for most of my life. As a mom with chronic illness, I need to take care of what limited energy reserves I’ve got.

After my spiritual disciplines, physical self care is most important. Daily movement in the form of yoga, wise eating choices and rest are essential to my functioning the rest of the day. I know that my kids are thankful for the healthy food choices in our home.

Be Open to New Experiences

In the old poem “Welcome To Holland” the author reminds us that in our journey as special needs parents we meet wonderful that we would never have met if our lives had not taken this turn. This is so true. I’ve met the most wonderful people from all walks of life in the special needs and chronic community over the years. I keep going because of them, even it’s only online.

Finding Joy No Matter What

I’ve learned to find joy in the little things. Even when I’m bed bound, I’m so grateful for a comfortable place to sleep when so many in this world don’t have that. Little things like coffee and a bowl of gut healthy soup helps to heal my soul.

And I still have to advocate for my kids. Among four kids we have diagnoses of neurofibromatosis, Down Syndrome, congenital heart defects, learning disabilities and severe scoliosis. Trying to keep up with everything has been so trying and I feel like I fall short so many times.

But I hope my kids will always remember that I had their back at all times. Like most other special needs moms, I go from zero to sixty in just about ten seconds when I see my kids might be treated unfairly.

Practice Acceptance

I’ve been reading Own Your Life: Living with Deep Intention, Bold Faith and Generous Love by Sally Clarkson and this passage really struck me:

In order to thrive and heal, you must accept any limitations by faith, trust in His faithfulness each step of the way, and wait for His grace so you can live a faithful story right in the place you find yourself.

Every day, no matter how I feel I have to show up for life as best I can and keep trusting in the One who has my back.

This blog uses affiliate links. They do not affect the cost of the product for you, but I receive a small commission for recommending them. I only recommend products that I feel comfortable with and believe would benefit my readers. Thanks for your support!

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When Mother’s Day Is Hard

May 4, 2018 by Marya 4 Comments

For some of us, Mother’s Day is hard. I’ve been blessed with a loving husband and four beautiful children but it’s hard not to think about my prenatal losses and toxic family relationships.

If it were up to me, I’d be happy just to take off to the beach for the day and avoid church, restaurants and Facebook where it’s entirely too easy for me to start thinking that I’m the only person who deals with sadness and loss.

For those of us living with dysfunctional, toxic relationships with our mothers the advertisements reminding us to “remember” Mother’s Day leave us with heaviness. People who haven’t experienced this type of difficulty (well, trauma) don’t understand and often admonish us to honor them and forgive them.

And that’s true. We can’t let bitterness destroy us. However some survivors of toxic homes are suffering from bad memories and are possibly living with PTSD. To continue a relationship that is still toxic and abusive is destructive.

Every survivor of abuse has to decide for themselves how much contact they can stand. Some have chosen to continue the relationship, while others have limited contact with heavily enforced boundaries and still others have gone no contact.

It’s important to remember that estrangement isn’t an overnight decision for anyone. It generally comes after years of trying to reconcile only to be on the receiving end of abusive behavior again and again.

How to Cope When Mother’s Day is Hard

*I’ve learned to accept what has happened. Nothing can change the past. but I can choose to be a different kind of parent and there has been healing in that journey for me. In parenting my children, somehow, I learned how to parent myself.

*There is always something to be grateful for. Think of a few of them and take some time to reflect on them. Enjoy who is with you today – whether it be your spouse, your children or your pets. If you are by yourself, treat yourself to a fun movie or make some time for creativity.

*Be good to yourself – If Mother’s Day is hard for you, it’s okay to stay away from places that are triggering, whether it’s a family gathering or even going to church. Make a different plan. It’s really okay. Maybe an “at home” day is what you need. Otherwise, go to the beach, a park or anyplace that helps you to get out of your head and relax. Go out to eat or pick up some great take out to enjoy at home.

*Acknowledge the positive women that God has put in your life. In His love and wisdom, I’ve been blessed with many encouraging older women since I started my walk with him years ago.

*If you send cards, make use of the blank ones – for those with toxic relationships with their mothers, it is excruciatingly painful looking through the happy display of Mother’s Day cards and wondering why things turned out the way that they did for you.

*Stay off Facebook. In fact, consider a digital break. Like other holidays, sometimes seeing all the happy pictures and outings that everyone else seems to have (I know, my perception) but it can be overwhelming.

For adult survivors of abuse, whether it be emotional, mental or physical, Mother’s Day is hard. If you have a person in your life who has chosen limited or no contact with their mother, show them understanding and grace.

It’s hard enough to experience and process the extreme hurt and pain that comes from growing up in such an environment, and then to be judged for taking decisive action to protect yourself just compounds the hurt.

If this is your struggle too, I hope you find peace in your situation. You don’t have to make a big deal about the day if you don’t want. Give yourself grace and do what’s right for you.

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How to Practice Mindful Living

May 1, 2018 by Marya 5 Comments

Mindful living is learning to live in the present moment without judging yourself or others. This doesn’t come naturally to most people. In our rapid paced world, many of us suffer from destination addiction. We’re always thinking ahead to what comes next.

For example, maybe you’re headed out for a fun day at the beach. You’re excited to get away from everything and unwinding. But then, as you’re driving, you start replaying the argument you had with your husband a few days ago.

And before you know it, you’re all amped up again!

Instead of living in the current moment, you found yourself digging up dirt from the past. Doing this makes it hard to move on and can lead you to carrying around anger and resentment.

In recovery rooms mindfulness is referred to as “keeping your head where your feet are.”

Learn to Practice Non-Judgmental Awareness

Instead of reacting emotionally to situations like people do when they’re on autopilot, you can learn to focus on the current moment without and observing them without letting your emotions take over.

You might see an aggravating social media update from a friend that makes you angry. But instead of responding, you stay in the moment. You acknowledge your emotions without judgement. And then you just move on. This frees you from losing a day of productivity because you were obsessed with this one comment.

Mindful Living Helps Ground You in Gratitude

During unpleasant tasks, like while you’re washing dishes or cleaning up the kids’ messes, it can be tempting to let your mind wander. But an important part of mindful living is learning to stay in the moment, even if that moment is unpleasant or uncomfortable.

Don’t give into feelings of negativity as you’re staying aware during a difficult moment. Instead, focus on giving thanks. For example, you might say something like, “I’m blessed to have a home to clean” or how much you love your kids even when they’re being messy. Now, you’ve managed to stay in the moment without letting yourself focus on the negative.

Mindful Living Can Improve Your Mood

Few things can improve your mood quite like mindful living. Often, anxious thoughts are the result of worrying about the future while sad thoughts are related to regretting the past. Mindful living helps because it forces you to stop overthinking.

Unless there’s something you can do to change your past, you have to accept what’s happened in your life. If you do find that you’re frequently haunted by regrets or always worrying about tomorrow, it might be smart to speak to a trained counselor who can help you move on.

Mindful living is one simple way to improve your life. Try to spend a week focused on mindful living and see how your thoughts change.

Stop Living on Autopilot

Susan was driving her daughter to a playdate with a friend from school. She spent most of the drive thinking about the fight she just had with a friend. When she arrived at her destination, she realized she was actually at the grocery store, instead of friend’s house. She quickly turned her car around and managed to her friend’s house on time.

What Susan realized at the grocery store was that she had been on “autopilot.” She wasn’t fully present in that moment. Some researchers say that the average person spends over half their time on autopilot. This isn’t an intentional way to go through life!

Phone Addiction

One common problem in our society is phone addiction. Whether you’re at the doctor’s office or at a red light, you’re constantly checking your phone for messages. You respond to text messages when you’re waiting on line at the grocery store. You dictate your to do list into your phone while you’re driving.

You’re constantly connected to your smartphone, but the fact is that you’re disconnected from the world around you – your family, friends and coworkers.

If you make a habit of eating in front of a screen, you’ll notice your empty plate but then you can’t remember what your food tasted like. Or worse, you realize that you’ve eaten more food than you thought you did. This type of disconnect between your body and mind can lead you to overeat (with regrets afterwards) and to not enjoy your meals as you should.

How to Create a Mindfulness Journal

Mindfulness is a complete body, mind, and spirit practice. Through meditation and
contemplation, you begin to remove the negative from your life as you learn to recognize it. You’ll also begin to see what is triggering you and how your body physically reacts to that triggering. One way to do this is by having a mindfulness journal.

How to Set Up and Use a Mindfulness Journal

A mindfulness journal strongly resembles what some might call a devotional journal. In
many cases, people use a scripture or quote to prompt their writing. This verse or statement gives you something to reflect on about your own life. As you write in your journal, you’ll be reflecting on this quote and giving your thoughts how it applies to you.

Many mindfulness journals are prompt based to get your mind thinking and focusing on you and your feelings about your day or whatever stress you’re experiencing in your life.

The ideal time to use a mindfulness journal is in the morning. This allows you to bring
the focus to you and keep that focus for the day. It is usually part of a meditation routine
that allows you to meditate for several minutes, write about your thoughts, and take
those thoughts with you throughout the day. It is a form of written meditation that can
help you focus and de-clutter your mind and thoughts.

Mindfulness journaling helps to declutter your thoughts. Some people really struggle with monkey mind, and mindfulness journaling is a great way to lose the mental clutter. It’s also a way of getting to know yourself once again.

Mindful Living Tips

Now that you’re familiar with what the concept of mindful living is, you’re probably wondering how to get started. Here’s a few exercises to get you started.

Savor Your Morning Drink

The sacred brew…whether’s it’s coffee, tea or a smoothie, take a pause first. Practice being present instead of mindlessly gulping while you scroll your social media feed.

Take a Nature Walk

Be fully present in your surroundings. What do you see and hear? Before you tune out on your headset, Take ten minutes to notice your environment as you walk. Walking meditation is a wonderful tool to find your focus and calm your emotions.

Mindful Coloring

Choose a coloring page that inspires you and won’t stress you out. How do the colors you have chosen make you feel? What does it feel like to move your art tools over paper? What thoughts are coming up and how do they affect you? You may want to journal some of these emotions.You might want to alternate between coloring and journaling if it helps you.

You’ll probably feel uncomfortable the first few times that you attempt to practice being mindful. This is totally normal and just means that you’re not use to living in the moment. Keep doing exercises like the ones above regularly and you’ll eventually become comfortable with the concept of living mindfully.

Is Mindfulness Christian?

For a long time I considered mindfulness meditation as something potentially scary and to be avoided. At least it was taught that way in the churches I’ve attended. But in my journey of recovery and living with chronic illness I’ve learned that mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to cope with the anxiety and stress of the conditions I live with.

The physical science is there to support it. And far from “emptying my mind” I’ve found that when I lose the mental chatter it’s easier to focus on my devotions. I consider Romans 14 to be very applicable here. If it’s not right for you, then of course don’t do it but I’ve found it immensely healing.

I finally came to an understanding that mindfulness is simply “practicing the pause.” Being totally present where I am this minute instead of racing to the next perceived destination. I’ve noticed a very distinct difference in the way I process stress now.

Mindfulness is not prayer. It is a brain exercise that can be integrated with Christianity. Dr. Gregory Bottaro

Our bodies are wonderful gifts. They talk to us all the time and tell us when they are out of balance or when certain parts need attention. When we allow space to connect with our breathing and our physicality, we allow ourselves to truly see and hear what our bodies are trying to tell us. This allows Christians more clarity and power to help nurture the container of the soul. It also provides more strength to literally help you embody your faith. Eden Kozlowski

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Why Self Care Is Not Selfish

April 27, 2018 by Marya 22 Comments

I’ve seen a couple of blog posts recently trying to make a case that self care is selfish. (Not linking to them because as part of my own self care practice, I try to avoid online drama!) This got me to thinking because as a chronic illness blogger, I write about self care practices frequently. And I strongly believe that self care is not selfish!

Take Care of Yourself First

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you’re probably familiar with the safety presentation before take off. Back in olden times this would consist of the flight attendants demonstrating the proper use of seat belts and reviewing important emergency information.

These days however, it’s usually presented as a video on your personal screen. At some point in the presentation, the use of air masks is demonstrated and it’s notable that mothers need to be reminded to put on their own masks before assisting their children.

The reason I mention this is that it’s a powerful reminder to us that we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of everyone else and as moms, we’re very guilty of doing this far too often.

It’s all to easy to take care of everyone else around you and never get around to your own self care. Most of us were taught from an early age to put ourselves last when it comes to self care, and this is especially true for women.

Now, there’s always going to times others have to come first. For example, your newborn doesn’t have a choice and you’ll be sacrificing a lot of time, sleep, and energy in those first few weeks and months. But usually, that’s only for a temporary period.

Self Care for Caregivers

I know that some of you are caregivers to children or have other family members who are in need of assistantance. Some of you may even have a chronic condition while being caregivers to others (like me…) and help is hard to come by.

Special needs moms, sober moms and moms with chronic illness often are living with PTSD while navigating their circumstances. It’s been said that women like us have psychological profiles similar to combat war veterans.

Self care in our situation is tough, but not impossible. You have to be intentional about it and at times, you’ll just have to grab that five minutes or more for self care on the fly when the opportunity presents itself.

Self Care Is Not Selfish

For many of us, taking care of everyone else before ourselves is something we do on autopilot. Learn to become more aware of it and stop putting yourself last all the time.

And when you’re dealing with a high intensity situations it’s certainly a tight rope walk at times. You really have to be intentional in your situation to be able to make a conscious choice about how you’re going to spend your time.

And you know what…it’s perfectly okay and necessary to put yourself first at times. The consequences of putting yourself on the back burner for months or years are very costly. After awhile, there’s really nothing left to give and your health will suffer.

It may feel good to put ourselves last, but when we routinely do it, we’re doing more harm than good to those around us. It causes us to be stressed and exhausted and that’s not pleasant for those who have to live with us! So, self care isn’t selfish!

Self Care is Having New Experiences

When you go outside what’s familiar and look for new experiences, you open yourself up to new adventures. You’ll discover new ways to do things. You’ll also find solutions that you wouldn’t have come up with any other way. As a result, you learn more about yourself and the world around you.

To begin, it’s easy to bring new experiences into your life just by looking for opportunities outside of your usual comfort zone. Try a new restaurant. Drive a different route to work. Volunteer for an organization that you wouldn’t typically support. Take a weekend road trip to someplace new and see where you end up.

Remember that your environment shapes your self-confidence, so don’t be afraid to look around at your life and make some changes. Surround yourself with people and experiences that build up your self worth and make you happy. Distance yourself from toxic friends and family members if you can.

Self Care Is Living Mindfully

Mindful living is one of the best ways to practice self care. Often, anxious thoughts are the result of worrying about the future while sad thoughts are related to regretting the past. Mindful living helps with this mindset because it forces you to stay in the present.

Unless there’s something you can do to change your past, you’ll have to accept what’s happened in your life. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and grieve, and then move on in your own time. But if you find that you’re frequently haunted by your past or always worrying about tomorrow, it might be a good idea to speak to a trained counselor who can help you move on.

How to Practice Self Care

Starting today, make an effort to carve out some time for yourself. Do one thing for yourself, even if it’s just enjoying a quiet cup of coffee alone, or catching an extra 20 minutes of precious sleep. Investing time for self care matters. Do this more often and see for yourself how powerful the impact can be!

Practical Self Care Ideas

Go outside for a walk.
Do some YouTube Yoga.
Take a hot shower and indulge in some at home spa goodies.
Visit your favorite coffee shop.
Curl up in bed and take a solid nap.
Meditate for 10 minutes. (Yoga nidra is especially soothing!)
Find a coloring book that you love and can grab in a minute.
Stay off social media.
Listen to calming music.
Journal your thoughts.
Put on yoga pants and fuzzy socks.
Healthy food choices…do try to avoid alcohol.
Read some scripture.
Listen to an uplifting podcast.

Gentle reminder – if you’re a woman with chronic illness, please check with your doctor before beginning a new exercise program!

What’s your favorite way to practice self care? Leave a message in the comments below?

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A Mom’s Guide to Coping With Depression

April 16, 2018 by Marya 10 Comments

Before you read this, please know that I’m not a doctor or mental health professional. I’m just a woman in recovery who’s been coping with depression on and off for much of my life & sharing my experience. Please seek out a trusted friend or counselor to help you get through this. You’re not alone! Many of us are on the path of recovery from depression.

Signs You Could Be Depressed

Everyone feels down in the dumps from time to time. It’s a normal part of life. But if you find yourself feeling sad or hopeless for days or weeks at a time, it’s time to take a closer look at it. Maybe you’re always tired, not feeling well and you don’t have any interest in the things that used to motivate you. Or maybe you’re struggling with emotional eating to stuff the feelings.

Other signs of depression might include increased moodiness and irritability. When you don’t feel well, it’s normal for your patience to be limited in other areas of your life. Brain fog can also be a sign of depression when it begins to drag on for days or weeks.

People living with chronic illness can be especially prone to depression. If this is a struggle for you, please read this article about going on with life after the diagnosis.

Thinking About Suicide

One sure sign that you might have depression is an increase in suicidal thoughts. This can happen to some people during a bout of intense depression, it’s not something that’s ongoing or long term and they may realize that they had the thought only after it passed.

However.

If you’re having suicidal thoughts that won’t go away, or if you’re considering how you might do it, then please seek help right away. Know that you can go to the emergency room. You might have severe depression and could possibly become a danger to yourself. A professional doctor or counselor can help you to develop an ongoing counseling and treatment program.

I was there myself in 1985, shortly before I got sober. Bogged down with past traumas, life was overwhelming and I felt like completely worthless. Getting into 12 step recovery and finding people who understand helped me to move past this mindset, but I will always have to be vigilant about managing depression when it comes up.

10 Ways to Reach Out When You’re Struggling With Your Mental Health is easily the best and most complete post I’ve seen on the difficult subject of suicide prevention and reaching out for help. If you want to reach out but don’t know what to ask for or what to say, please read this. And bookmark it for the future if you have to.

Chronic Insomnia

If you’re struggling with severe fatigue that isn’t related to chronic illness, it might be a sign of depression. Insomnia is probably related to depression when you can’t fall sleep or you wake up with sudden anxiety attacks or a heavy, depressed feeling.

Your Whole Body Aches

Body aches can happen to anyone after a workout, during sickness like a cold or flu or for many other reasons. But if you’re having physical aches and pains that don’t have an obvious cause, then it may be depression related.

If you’re having one or more of these signs of depression, please make an appointment to see a qualified counselor or doctor. They’ll work with you to come up with a treatment plan to help you.

What Are the Different Types of Depression?

Many of us think that depression is just an overwhelming heaviness that takes over our lives. However, there are many different types of depression. It’s good to have an understanding of what they are so that you can seek appropriate treatment.

Dysthymia

Dysthymia is also called persistent depressive disorder. This type of depression is easily confused with major depression. Dysthymia depression creates a sad or depressed effect that lasts for a long period of time. People might think you have a gloomy personality. You may have ongoing fatigue issues and struggle with cold like symptoms. This type of depression may be treated with over the counter supplements, mild forms of depression medication, or natural methods such as herbs or mindfulness journaling.

Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is hard to talk about. You’ve just had a baby and should be over the moon excited, right? But some moms get depressed after having their babies. And if it’s not recognized and treated, it can go on for years.

One reason may be a loss of hormones, especially during difficult pregnancies. Having a child with intense medical needs can also trigger depression. For some, symptoms may be mild with feelings of fatigue and anxiety, but some moms may struggle with suicidal thoughts. Coping with postpartum depression generally requires counseling and drug therapy.

Atypical Depression

Atypical depression is a form of depression that has more physical symptoms than emotional. These symptoms may include increased appetite or weight gain, extreme fatigue and moodiness. In fact, it can be misdiagnosed as a physical issue that requires physical therapy.

Some women might feel like their extremeties feel incredibly heavy, because this type of depression works through your muscles and nerve endings causing these symptoms. Atypical depression is typically treated with focusing on diet and exercise since overweight individuals and people with eating disorders are at the highest risk for atypical depression.

If you think that you are suffering from these, or other types of depression, consider speaking with your doctor. They will be able to help you with treatment plans and how you and cope with your symptoms. They can also offer suggestions for natural therapy that works for both long and short term assistance.

How to Help a Loved One With Their Depression

If you don’t live with depression yourself, it’s hard to know what to say or do when someone you love is struggling with it. The following tips are going to help you help your loved one with depression.

Know What to Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

Your words have the ability to make a big impact on someone who’s struggling and help them to feel better or worse. One of the best things you can do is to let them know that you’ll be there for them and their life matters. Let them know they’re not crazy. Send encouraging texts. Just be present and offer your help.

Also Know What Not to Say to Someone Struggling With Depression

Don’t tell them you know how they feel when you’ve never struggled with depression yourself. Don’t make light of what they’re thinking about or feeling. Remember, there is no quick and easy solution here. If you’re a real friend, be ready to go the distance with them as they work things out.

Depression is a complicated condition that is very hard for others to understand. Don’t make assumptions or hint that it is all in their head. And don’t try to tell them just to be positive or look on the bright side.

What your friend really needs is real empathy and a listening ear.
If the situation warrants it, encourage them to seek treatment. Help them make an appointment with their doctor, because people with depression will procrastinate about taking this step on their own. Let them know you’ll be there with them, even going to appointments with them if they need that.

Coping With Depression Without Medication

I’ve never used medication for coping with depression though I’ve certainly been encouraged to. It’s a very personal decision and there’s no shame in whatever route you choose. (For me, I was leery of the meds and possible side effects, but I won’t rule meds out in the future if the situation ever grew worse.) These methods have worked for me, but again, every person is different. Please reach out for help if your depression is overwhelming.

Journaling for Depression

Journaling is often mentioned to help with depression. Writing things down can help you to work through ongoing issues and what might be causing them. Journaling can help you find out the root of what might be going on. Journaling can also help you to focus on gratitude and the positive aspects of your day. (For me, just writing things down, playing with stickers and pretty paper gets my mind off what’s going on and is very healing.)

Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness meditation is very helpful for people with ongoing depression issues. Mindfulness techniques include meditation, journaling, and yoga. Mindfulness simply means to focus on the present, think about what’s positive, noticing your thoughts in a non-judgmental way, and then moving on to a better space.

Mindfulness can help give you an better outlook on life and help you get things back on track. This may or may not work for severe depression, but it can help reduce symptoms.

Eat Healthy

People who are depressed may struggle with disordered or binge eating. Work towards improving your relationship with food and you’ll feel much better and see an improvement in the way you handle what life throws at you.

When to See a Doctor For Your Depression

Depression may be something that’s plagued you for years. Maybe you tried to self treat with methods like journaling, supplements, or diet changes. Though this may work for some people, there are cases where it doesn’t work and the depression becomes worse. If this sounds like you, you might be wondering when you should see a doctor for your depression.

If this is the case, you may be wondering when it is time to break down and see a doctor for your depression.

If natural methods haven’t worked for you, you may be dealing with more deep rooted issues. You may also be treating a form of depression that is not diagnosed and your treatment is not accurate for your particular form of depression.

If you’re struggling with persistent suicidal thoughts, please see a doctor for assistance right away. A good doctor or counselor will help you with a treatment plan and counseling option to help curb the recurring thoughts and keep them at bay while you work on your depression and anxiety as a whole. If the suicidal thoughts are overwhelming, please go to a local emergency clinic or hospital for assistance.

Self Harm Issues

Many people think of self harm as someone cutting themselves. But it isn’t the only ones. Other forms of self harm can involve drugs, drinking, and ongoing self destructive behavior. (This is what I lived with.) This is often done to numb overwhelming emotional pain. If you’re struggling with self harm please seek out treatment from a qualified professional.

In conclusion, there are several different types of depression. Everyone is different, and will respond differently. What worked for me may not work for you. Be open to what treatment plans you’re offered.

Coping with depression and ongoing recovery is ongoing process that will need time to work out.

If you’re struggling with depression, please reach out to a friend, counselor or mental health professional. I’ve started a list of mental health resources here.

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