Mental Health

Natural Remedies for Anxiety Relief

June 13, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

Stressed out? Try these natural remedies for anxiety relief

If you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks but are leery of pharmaceuticals, you might want to consider natural remedies for anxiety relief. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication if you feel that’s your best option, but natural remedies and lifestyle changes can also be a big help in managing anxiety symptoms.

Essential Oils for Anxiety

One very popular way to treat anxiety naturally is with essential oils. Essential oils are extracted from flowers, herbs, and plants, and then you can use them to help calm you down and reduce your panic and anxiety symptoms. Certain essential oils are better for anxiety, creating a calm environment and reducing the amount of panic attacks you experience. Here are some essential iols to consider using for stress:

*Cedarwood
*Wild Orange
*Lavender
*Chamomile
*Frankincense
*Bergamot
*Vetiver

Create a calming atmosphere in your home by diffusing some essential oil, adding some drops to your bath or applying them to the bottoms of your feet.

Omega 3 Relieves Stress

You probably already know that proper nutrition is an essential part of treating your anxiety naturally. One of the more important supplements you’ll want to take are omega-3 fatty acids. Try to aim for 2-3 grams of omega-3s every day, as they will help you to lower stress chemicals, which help to decrease anxiety and panic symptoms. While you can take a supplement, it’s better to get nutrients from natural food sources. For omega-3 fatty acids, this means fish like salmon and tuna, as well as whole grains, flax seeds, and walnuts.

Get More Vitamin D

Another nutrient you need to treat your anxiety naturally is vitamin D, but you don’t have to take a supplement or even eat a lot of foods with this vitamin. The best way to get more vitamin D is actually through sunlight. Try heading outside for 15-20 minutes a day to soak up some vitamin D, and you’ll soon start feeling much better. Vitamin D will not only help with your anxiety, but will also improve your mood and energy. Try going outside for quick walks or taking your lunch break outdoors when you can.

Lemon Balm Tea

Like many herbal teas, lemon balm tea can be really helpful if you’re struggling with anxiety. It’s a great remedy to calm your mind and body. Perhaps you have a lot of work or financial stress, are overwhelmed by all your responsibilities at home, or are dealing with the stress of making major decisions. You can drink some lemon balm tea and feel more at peace, which helps you to de-stress and sleep a little better.

Not only does lemon balm tea help with insomnia, but it can also help to make you more alert. When you drink it in the morning, it can boost your energy and make it easier to concentrate.

Besides the mental health benefits, lemon balm tea is also great for your skin! It’s often been used for skin purposes, from anti aging, to having youthful and glowing looking skin. If you’re struggling with early signs of aging, try drinking more lemon balm tea to smooth out those wrinkles and prevent more from forming prematurely. The lemon balm can also help to soften yours skin and work to reduce blemishes.

Some other herbal teas to try for calming purposes include peppermint, chamomile and passion flower.

Exercise Can Calm Anxiety

A great way to combine sunlight and exercising is to go for a walk outside, go hiking, or find another outdoor activity. Even if you’re not able to get outside, getting more physical activity is great for anxiety. You get your blood pumping, distract your mind, and can de-stress as well.

How to Stop Panic Attacks

What you should know about putting a stop to a panic attack is you have to find the right method for you, and that might take a bit of trial and error. The following include some different things you can try to stop panic attacks in their tracks:

*Pray
*Listen to a guided meditation
*Find an object to focus on
*Use a body scan or muscle relaxation technique
*Visualize your happy place
* Count backwards from 100
* Say No! out loud as many times as needed
* Listen to music
* Watch a movie or television show
* Call someone on the phone who can calm you down

Use Serenity Lotion

I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers Network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company.

I’ve tried so many different lotions at this point I’ve lost track. But I was happy to give Fay Farm’s Serenity Lotion a try after reading so many positive reviews about it. Fay Farms developed Serenity Lotion to provide those living with anxiety and stress a natural alternative. It’s made with organic ingredients including essential oils, organ oil, 50 mg hemp oil extract, chamomile, passionflower and skullcap. It also includes magnesium oil for relief of inflammation and nerve pain.

Fay Farms has a wonderful line of popular CBD topicals (hemp oil derived and legal in all 50 states) including a muscle rub and healing hemp lotion.

About Fay Farm

The Fay Farm is a family run farm on Whidbey Island, outside of Seattle, Washington. On the farm the family raises Nubian Goats and use the milk from the goats along with the herbs they grow from their greenhouse to infuse into their natural body care products. None of their products contain parabens, alcohol, mineral oil, or phthalates. Many of their high quality ingredients come right from their farm. The Fay Farm is dedicated to creating quality natural body care products.

Sound yummy? Let me tell you it works. One of my favorite quick stress busters now is to put some Serenity lotion on the bottom of my feet and then spend 10 minutes listening to a guided meditation. Instant relief!

Know When to Seek Help for Anxiety

Anxiety is not a normal way of life and not something you should just suffer with. If it has you avoiding social situations, affecting you at work or school, or impacting your personal relationships, then it’s time to get professional help.

There’s no shame or stigma in this. Talk to your family doctor, a therapist, counselor, or anyone else that has experience with anxiety and panic attacks to find the best treatment options for you.

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Books and Movies to Distract Yourself from Stress

June 8, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

Getting lost in a movie or a good book is a great way to distract yourself from stress, whether it’s everyday stress, stress from caregiving or stress from chronic illness. Sometimes when we find ourselves in a particularly stressful life situation, we need a little time-out.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a break to spend a few hours forgetting about your troubles and problems. You’ll come back out of your break refreshed and ready to tackle whatever life might throw at you. You’ll quickly make up the time you spent on this stress buster with improved focus and productivity.

And even when it doesn’t work out that way, it will still have been worth it to get some peace for a little while and reduce stress.

Disclaimer: I’m a Boomer…I grew up in the 70’s and my taste in books and movies certainly reflects that!

10 Movies to Watch When You’re Feeling Depressed

Inside Out
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Good Will Hunting
Forrest Gump
The Blind Side
Up
Life of Pi
It’s a Wonderful Life
Grease
Cool Runnings

10 Feel Good TV Shows

60s Classic TV Shows

The Adams Family
Andy Griffith
The Avengers
Batman
Dick Van Dyke
Father Knows Best
Gilligan’s Island
The Honeymooners
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Mister Ed
The Munsters
My Three Sons
Star Trek
The Twilight Zone

70s Classic TV Shows

Welcome Back Kotter
The Odd Couple
Good Times
The Brady Bunch
Diff’rent Strokes
Get Smart
Green Acres
Happy Days
I Dream of Jeannie
All in the Family
The Jeffersons

80s Classic TV Shows

21 Jump Street
Bosom Buddies
Cheers
The Facts of Life
Family Ties
The Golden Girls
Growing Pains
Mork & Mindy
The Muppet Show
Night Court
Seinfeld
Taxi
Who’s The Boss
WKRP in Cincinnati
The Wonder Years

Books to Distract You From the World

Now let’s talk about books. Start by growing your bookshelf…maybe you have some unread forgotten books just waiting for you!

Or you can head on over to library or bookstore or Amazon Prime and find something good to read, or listen to. For audiobooks, Audible.com is very popular.You can also find and download all sorts of great books to your Kindle or smartphone from Amazon and even your local library.

You have tons of options. Your hardest job right now will be to just pick something!

10 Books to Get Lost In

The Magician’s Nephew
The Wind in the Willows
The Hobbit
The Color Purple
Lake Wobegon Days
The Stand
The Help
Pride and Prejudice
Anything Harry Potter
The Hunger Games

10 Books for Depression

Now, sometimes the best therapy for stress or depression is simply to face it and read a good about it. It’s your call! Sometimes understanding the mental processes that you’re going through are the best way to cope with depression.

Here’s a few good titles that I found:

When Darkness Will Not Lift
When Someone You Love Suffers from Depression or Mental Illness
Rewire Your Anxious Brain
Reasons to Stay Alive
A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled
Running for My Life: How I Built a Better Me One Step at a Time
The Anxiety Solution: A Quieter Mind, a Calmer You
Broken: Finding Joy in Every Day and Letting Go of Perfect
Depression & Other Magic Tricks
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Distract Yourself From Chronic Pain

There are have been many times that I’ve been homebound since my first chronic illness diagnosis in 2010. Sometimes all you can really do is just sit in bed.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you just need to be still so that your body can focus on healing. Books, TV Shows and movies are a great distraction during times like these.

And remember, don’t complicate it. When you find something you think you’ll like, just go for it. If it’s light and fluffy, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t judge yourself. If reading the occasional junk novel or a watching a zombie movie is is your thing, go for it.

This downtime is for you and for you alone. It’s supposed to be a mental health break. Please don’t use it try to educate yourself or make it a cultural experience.

Remember, you want something you can completely lose yourself in for a little while and not worry about anything else.

So find what works for you.

This list is just a jumping off point..what are some of your favorite books, TV shows and movies that help to distract yourself from stress?

Living with Depression in Recovery

June 6, 2018 by Marya 19 Comments

Living with depression in recovery isn’t easy. And as a person who has struggled with addictions and depression throughout my life, I took the news of Robin Williams’ passing in 2014 hard. Like the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman earlier that year, it hit very close to home. It reminded me that long term sobriety is no guarantee of freedom of relapse.

I staggered into my first twelve step meeting in 1985 with depression and constant suicidal thoughts running through my mind. The cumulative effects of a dysfunctional childhood, years of binge drinking and PTSD were proving too much for me carry by myself anymore.

I wanted out. Twelve Step meetings were my last ditch attempt to help myself.

At first I wasn’t so sure I even wanted to stop drinking. But I wanted the pain to go away so I listened to what was being said. I put down the drink and went to meetings. At some point during that first year I understood that I had been given a gift and from then on I pursued recovery as hard as I had pursued the high.

It took something like a year to learn to feel comfortable in my skin. I will always remember with gratitude the unconditional love and support I received from the motley crew at the Brooklyn meetings I got sober in.

Because of the rooms of recovery, I started to learn to believe in a Power that was greater than myself. For a while GOD = Group Of Drunks worked for me and a couple of years later I became a Christian. In the rooms I learned “first we came, then we came to, and then we came to believe.”

I’ve been blessed with four children in recovery. We decided to start homeschooling in 1996. With no healthy frame of reference to draw from, I bought many of the recommended parenting books at homeschooling conventions and tried to follow it all.

It all seemed good.

There was only one problem with this…I was slowly trading the unconditional love and grace I got sober with for a lot of rules and “shoulds.” Amidst the constant drone of biblical womanhood, godly families and purity talks, I stopped talking about my past and present struggles. I just pushed it to the background.

No one needed to know. Like the frog slowly simmering in the pot, I didn’t see the danger I was putting myself in. I never felt like I really fit in.

I secretly felt like damaged goods.

You see, “in the rooms” they told me that I could only keep what I had by giving it away. But I had hidden it all away for fear of gossip and judgment. I didn’t talk about the bad memories that I was struggling with or the depression that was engulfing me at times. Three of my four children have special needs of some kind.

Without any supportive extended family, I was completely overwhelmed.

In 2010 I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson’s called dystonia. The symptoms came on fast and furious. I was crippled and unable to do much of anything for myself.

Searching online for answers, I found a few stories about people who started drinking upon their diagnosis as well as lots of talk about oral medication. With my past history, I really afraid of risking another dependency.

I also became aware of the suicides in the disability community.

I was in terrible pain and the depression and anxiety went through the roof. I was horrified and wondered where God was in all this. But I set my face to the path ahead of me and was determined to push through this thing.

Living With Depression in Recovery

Since my diagnosis my spiritual journey shifted. I wanted to find the authenticity and grace I knew before. I felt God speaking to my heart that it was okay to be just myself; that I wasn’t going to be able to help anyone else if I was not going to be transparent and real.

Inside I still struggle with bad attitudes, depression, anxiety and fear. But I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to talk about it. I’m not a failure as a Christian, a wife or a mom.

I know that the grace of God is magnified in my struggles and weakness.

Robin Williams’ death has hit me especially hard because he has always been a part of my life and because I understand some of what he was struggling with. I’m also thinking about friends from long ago who were also unable to escape their turmoil. Many of us tried hard to reach out to them but we could see them just slipping away.

Thanks to years of holistic self care, I’m doing physically better now and lead somewhat more of a normal life. I’m always mindful that there is no cure for depression. It’s the monkey on my back now and it’s managed one day at a time.

I still struggle with negative thought patterns, but over time I’ve learned to forge my own path on this journey in a way that works for me. For me that means daily prayer and meditation, living a healthy lifestyle, journaling and resting when I can.

While we can’t always control the depression, we can learn to manage it one day at a time.

My Other Posts about Living With Depression

5 Natural Ways to Overcome Depression

A Mom’s Guide to Coping With Depression

(this post was originally posted in 2014)

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Instant Stress Buster: Take a Walk

May 28, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

Instant Stres Buster take a walk

Ready for an instant stress buster that you can do anytime or anywhere? Go outside and take a walk. Did you know that you can walk yourself out of a bad mood? Studies have shown that just a 10 minute walk immediately boosts your brain chemistry that increases happiness.

Think about it..how often do you actually go out for a walk when you’re feeling stressed or need to recharge? If you’re anything like me, it isn’t your go-to when you’re feeling stressed out.

There’s lots of health benefits to taking a walk. For one thing, it’s easy to do. Just head outside with some sneakers on and you can get in a quick ten minute walk no matter where you are.

Best of all, you don’t need any special equipment!

You can certainly walk inside, but there’s nothing like walking outside in nature when you can. The fresh air and sunlight will increase the benefits you’re getting from your walk.

Take a walk and your health will benefit in so many different ways!

stress buster take a walk

Walking Clears the Mind

It gives you a chance to get away from whatever it is you are doing for a few minutes. You’re walking away from everything for just a bit. Doing this allows you to come back to your task with a fresh outlook when you get back. This can work miracles when you’re feeling stuck, are working on a tough problem, or need to proofread something.

It also gives your mind a break from whatever it is you were working on. You get to focus on simply moving your body and admiring your surroundings outside for a little while. Often when we take a break from thinking consciously about what we’re working on, our unconscious mind takes over and comes up with ideas and solutions our conscious mind couldn’t find.

Stopping work for a bit and allowing the subconscious to take over is often what brings that big breakthrough you’ve been hoping for. The rhythmic act of walking helps this process along.

Walking for Anxiety and Depression

When anxiety and depression get overwhelming, moving your body is a great way to get your mind off your thoughts. For one thing, unused energy in the body can help to create anxiety in your mind. The mind-body-spirit connection is very real.

Anxiety tends to feed off itself. When you’re worrying about how anxious you are, it creates even more anxiety.

Moving around is one of the best ways to alleviate anxiety. By doing this, you’re not thinking about your symptoms because you’re focusing on walking. This in turn reduces the amount of energy you’re giving to your anxiety and as a result, you’ll feel a lot better.

Walking Benefits Your Body

Walking is a great form of low impact exercise you can do anytime, anywhere. It gets you moving, helps to relax your body, pump more blood throughout your system, and thus more oxygen into your cells.

When you walk outside in the fresh air, this rejuvenating effect even more beneficial. A quick walk will help to reenergize you and makes you feel better.

Not only that, but walking can be an effective part of your weight loss program.

Take Your Dog on a Walk

Walking is great exercise for both of you and just being outdoors with your dog is a great way to have fun and reduce stress. Not only that, but it’s a great way to bond with your dog.

Have I convinced you? Give walking a try the next time you need to clear your head.

stress reduction for busy moms

How to Relax More and Boost Productivity

May 27, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

Are you as crazy busy as I am? With all the things on our plate, there’s just never enough time to get everything on my to do list done. Last year’s beach vacation is a distant memory.

It’s hard to make the time to relax and take it easy during the school year with the endless demands of taking care of our families and running a household.

Even during vacations, many of us cram non-stop activity into what’s supposed to be some well deserved time off. Most of us are overworked to some degree and we don’t take enough time out to just relax. We say to ourselves that there isn’t really enough time and we’ll get to it some day.

Many of us work long hours each day. And not only that, but we’re expected to focus more, multitask and get more done in those hours than ever before.

We’re continually expected to learn new technology and are bombarded with even more new information on an almost daily basis. Thanks to our mobile phones and tablets, we’re always reachable…always connected.

Our minds are engaged and going on full blast from the moment we wake up to the moment our head finally hits the pillow.

What most of us don’t get is much rest and relaxation.

This lack of rest and relaxation can quickly become a problem. We’re simply not made to go non stop for 18 hours a day or more. We might be able to do it for a short amount of time when necessary, but it’s not a sustainable, long-term strategy for anyone and will lead to health consequences.

Without having enough rest and taking the time to relax, we become less productive and less creative.

Making the time to relax will help you get more done AND boost productivity in the long run.

Here’s a quick example. If you’ve ever been parent of young children, you know that you’re not at your best if you’ve been up with a sick child for a few days. Without having enough time to relax and recharge, you get anxious and short tempered with everyone.

It’s hard to be the same patient and loving parent that you generally try to be. This is also true in every area of your life. You need time to recharge to continue to do your best.

When was the last time you took a few hours just to relax? Make the time for it, especially when you’re extra busy and have a lot to get done.

Even a short break to go for a walk, take a quick nap, or lose yourself in a good book or movie for a bit will do wonders for both your frame of mind and your overall productivity. You’ll come back refreshed with a clear mind and renewed sense of purpose.

Your productivity increases greatly after a break and some rest, particularly if you’ve been working too hard. Make rest and relaxation a priority in your life. You deserve it!

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10 Signs You Are Stressed Out

May 25, 2018 by Marya 1 Comment

Stress really isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a natural process designed to protect or at the very least prepare us for imminent danger. Stress is what helps us run from threats or push through chaotic situations. But it’s important to recognize the signs that you are stressed out.

Also, stress can also motivate us to stop procrastinating and get our work done. It’s what makes us buckle down and get to that task that we’ve been procrastinating about.

In small doses and for a short time, stress is a good thing. It becomes a problem when we are totally stressed out and it’s constant. Chronic stress is what causes things like adrenal fatigue, high blood pressure, belly fat and heart disease.

But stress is tricky…it builds up slowly and sneaks up on us. We get used to that feeling of constantly being over worked and over stimulated.

If you have a constant wired, tense feeling, more than likely you are stressed out.

Many times we don’t even realize just how stressed out we are until something major happens and our body then forces us to slow down.

Don’t let it get that far. Learn to recognize the early signs you are stressed out. Learn to control the stress, work on reducing the stressful situation, and most importantly make time to rest and relax so you can recover from the unavoidable stress and pressure life throws at you.

Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” – Khalil Gibran

10 Signs You Are Stressed Out

A general feeling of anxiety and feeling unwell.
Trouble sleeping.
Lack of concentration and focus.
Mindless eating and snacking throughout the day. (Sweet and salty foods are particularly appealing!)
Needing a nightly glass of wine or beer to unwind.
Feeling overwhelmed.
Hair loss
Compromised immunity.
Depression and loneliness.
GI symptoms including nausea, dizziness, and diarrhea.

The problem is that these symptoms of being stressed can stress us out even more. We may respond by pushing harder, which makes us feel even worse.

How Do You Relieve Stress?

The only way to break the cycle of being stressed out all the time is to address THE problem… the stress.

We can do this by making a conscious effort to cut (or reduce) stress, learning simple relaxation techniques, and learning to give ourselves the time and rest that we need to recover.

Limit caffeine.
Don’t drink to relieve stress. Alcohol will likely make things worse.
Increase physical activity
Try meditation
Talk to a friend
Keep a journal or try adult coloring
Improve your time management
Know when to say no.
Take a day trip out in nature.
Join our 30 day stress reduction challenge for easy to implement, actionable tips to reduce stress in your life!

In this life, we’re all going to experience stress. Unchecked it can contribute to poor health.We can’t always control everything. But we can control how we respond to it.

You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

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The Ultimate Guide to Power Naps

May 24, 2018 by Marya Leave a Comment

Throughout our 30 Day Stress Reduction Challenge, I’m going to be sharing some of my essential stress busters with my readers. These are quick and easy stress reducing tips that you can put to work right immediately to relax more and stress less.

You might not love all of them, but I’d like to encourage you to give each of them a try. Keep the ones that work well for you and put them to work whenever you’re feeling especially stressed out. You’ll feel better and more capable almost immediately and you’ll feel encouraged to have some coping mechanisms in place when life gets crazy.

In yesterday’s post I talked a little bit about the importance of adequate rest and sleep in particular. Everyone needs sleep to recover from busy and chaotic days. During times when you don’t get enough rest, and are sick or just plain feel worn down, one of the best things you can do to stay healthy and productive is to take a nap.

Naps aren’t just for babies. They’re just as important for frazzled, stressed out moms. You might tell yourself that you’re too old for naps, don’t need them, or can’t sleep during the day.

Totally false.

Believe it or not, there are many cultures around the world where it’s totally acceptable and even common to nap during the day. Research shows that napping is incredibly beneficial and will actually help you get more done. It’s been shown to be so powerful that some companies now encourage employees to take power naps work.

You don’t even have to actually get to sleep to benefit from napping. Just lay down, get comfortable, close your eyes and chill out for a bit. This rest instead of actual sleep will still be helpful. And if you do go to sleep, you don’t have to stay asleep for very long to benefit from a nap. Sleeping as little as two to five minutes is enough to refresh your brain.

If you’re worried about waking up groggy, try a coffee nap. You heard me right. The idea of a coffee nap is to drink a cup of coffee right before you lay down for a short nap. Because it takes your body a while to process the caffeine, you’ll be able to take a short nap and wake up alert and ready to tackle the rest of your busy day. Bulletproof coffee naps are a great way to fuel your afternoon.

My Tips for the Best Afternoon Power Naps Ever

Know your body’s rhythms. For many people around 1:00 – 3:00 is the best time for a power nap. A typical power nap can be from 10-20 minutes. Some people might need 30-60 minutes. These might leave you groggy, however you might want to have some coffee ready when you get up. (If you live with chronic illness, you’ll probably need longer naps. Sometimes I need 90 minutes to 2 or more hours. There’s nothing wrong with this. People with chronic illness fatigue faster and need more restorative time than the general population.)
If you can, dim the room and lower the air temperature to under 70 degrees.
Keep a pen and pad of paper close by in order to jot down anything that runs across your mind that might keep you from fully resting. You’ll know where that thought is and be able to follow up with it later.
Turn your cell phone ringer and notifications off. If you have to be up at a certain time, set an alarm.
Use a sleep mask will help to create a dark environment to fall asleep faster.

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Why You Must Find Time to Relax

May 23, 2018 by Marya 2 Comments

Does it seem like the world just keeps moving faster and faster? We’re working long hours, parenting, keeping up the house and yard and trying to fit in a social life in between.

We’re busier than ever, yet we are all still limited to the same twenty-four hours each day. Something has to give and unfortunately rest and relaxation are the first to go.

Sleep is essential for our long term health and survival. We can’t survive very long without it. If you’ve ever had a newborn in the house or been in any other situation where you didn’t get much sleep for days and weeks on end, you know how bad the effects of sleep deprivation can be.

Severe lack of sleep will be noticeable very quickly. Everyone has that occasional sleepless night but after a few days you’ll feel completely frazzled.

You can pull one all-nighter, but go for a couple of days on little-to-no sleep and you’ll start to feel like you’re going insane.

Sometimes people think that cutting back on sleep here and there is okay but it’s really burning the candle at both ends and sooner or later your body will pay the price.

We need to make rest, relaxation, and adequate sleep a priority to stay healthy and productive. Maybe you feel like you get more done when you get up a little earlier or go to bed a little later.

You might feel like you’re catching up on work when you bring it home on the weekend to work on. Sure, it gives you more hours to work on all that backlogged stuff, but it often doesn’t make you any more productive. Work will fill the space that you give to it.

By making rest and relaxation a priority and giving both body and mind to recharge, we can get just as much done in a shorter amount of time. That’s what I hope to show you during this month long exploration on the topic of relaxing and reducing stress.

Unfortunately it feels like we’ve forgotten how to rest and relax. Running on cylinders all daylong can feel exhilarating and super productive, but eventually you’ll crash. Taking intentional periods of relaxation will heal your body from the adrenaline surges and chronic stress and when you return to it, you’ll feel refreshed and more productive.

How to Find Time to Relax

Start a journal. Spend a few days noting how you’re spending your time and then you can make intentional decisions about eliminating time wasters.
Learn to say no. There can be so many demands from our family, kids’ activities, church and community. Most of them are probably worthwhile, but can you really handle them all? Identify what’s most important to you at this season of your life and let the rest go.
Take digital breaks. A great time to do this might be Saturday evening to Sunday evening. Turn the 24 hour news cycle off and get outside if you can. Your brain needs the break from the constant stream of content intake.
Ask for help. Outsource what you can. You shouldn’t and can’t do it all. Find family members to help with caregiving and household tasks. Hire a housecleaner if you can.
Take a nap. There’s nothing wrong with taking a little down time in the afternoon so that you can keep on being productive later in the day.
Practice deep breathing and meditation techniques. Deep breathing is a great way to reduce adrenaline surges and stress hormones. Just slow, even breaths will help tremendously.
Make an appointment with yourself for self care. It might be a nice hot shower, some yoga, foot bath or curling up with a book. Whatever works for you!

Relaxation and self care have to be intentional before they become ingrained habits, so go ahead and find time to relax!

Join us for Stress Reduction for Busy Moms & find a calmer you in 30 days!

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When Mother’s Day Is Hard

May 4, 2018 by Marya 4 Comments

For some of us, Mother’s Day is hard. I’ve been blessed with a loving husband and four beautiful children but it’s hard not to think about my prenatal losses and toxic family relationships.

If it were up to me, I’d be happy just to take off to the beach for the day and avoid church, restaurants and Facebook where it’s entirely too easy for me to start thinking that I’m the only person who deals with sadness and loss.

For those of us living with dysfunctional, toxic relationships with our mothers the advertisements reminding us to “remember” Mother’s Day leave us with heaviness. People who haven’t experienced this type of difficulty (well, trauma) don’t understand and often admonish us to honor them and forgive them.

And that’s true. We can’t let bitterness destroy us. However some survivors of toxic homes are suffering from bad memories and are possibly living with PTSD. To continue a relationship that is still toxic and abusive is destructive.

Every survivor of abuse has to decide for themselves how much contact they can stand. Some have chosen to continue the relationship, while others have limited contact with heavily enforced boundaries and still others have gone no contact.

It’s important to remember that estrangement isn’t an overnight decision for anyone. It generally comes after years of trying to reconcile only to be on the receiving end of abusive behavior again and again.

How to Cope When Mother’s Day is Hard

*I’ve learned to accept what has happened. Nothing can change the past. but I can choose to be a different kind of parent and there has been healing in that journey for me. In parenting my children, somehow, I learned how to parent myself.

*There is always something to be grateful for. Think of a few of them and take some time to reflect on them. Enjoy who is with you today – whether it be your spouse, your children or your pets. If you are by yourself, treat yourself to a fun movie or make some time for creativity.

*Be good to yourself – If Mother’s Day is hard for you, it’s okay to stay away from places that are triggering, whether it’s a family gathering or even going to church. Make a different plan. It’s really okay. Maybe an “at home” day is what you need. Otherwise, go to the beach, a park or anyplace that helps you to get out of your head and relax. Go out to eat or pick up some great take out to enjoy at home.

*Acknowledge the positive women that God has put in your life. In His love and wisdom, I’ve been blessed with many encouraging older women since I started my walk with him years ago.

*If you send cards, make use of the blank ones – for those with toxic relationships with their mothers, it is excruciatingly painful looking through the happy display of Mother’s Day cards and wondering why things turned out the way that they did for you.

*Stay off Facebook. In fact, consider a digital break. Like other holidays, sometimes seeing all the happy pictures and outings that everyone else seems to have (I know, my perception) but it can be overwhelming.

For adult survivors of abuse, whether it be emotional, mental or physical, Mother’s Day is hard. If you have a person in your life who has chosen limited or no contact with their mother, show them understanding and grace.

It’s hard enough to experience and process the extreme hurt and pain that comes from growing up in such an environment, and then to be judged for taking decisive action to protect yourself just compounds the hurt.

If this is your struggle too, I hope you find peace in your situation. You don’t have to make a big deal about the day if you don’t want. Give yourself grace and do what’s right for you.

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How to Practice Mindful Living

May 1, 2018 by Marya 5 Comments

Mindful living is learning to live in the present moment without judging yourself or others. This doesn’t come naturally to most people. In our rapid paced world, many of us suffer from destination addiction. We’re always thinking ahead to what comes next.

For example, maybe you’re headed out for a fun day at the beach. You’re excited to get away from everything and unwinding. But then, as you’re driving, you start replaying the argument you had with your husband a few days ago.

And before you know it, you’re all amped up again!

Instead of living in the current moment, you found yourself digging up dirt from the past. Doing this makes it hard to move on and can lead you to carrying around anger and resentment.

In recovery rooms mindfulness is referred to as “keeping your head where your feet are.”

Learn to Practice Non-Judgmental Awareness

Instead of reacting emotionally to situations like people do when they’re on autopilot, you can learn to focus on the current moment without and observing them without letting your emotions take over.

You might see an aggravating social media update from a friend that makes you angry. But instead of responding, you stay in the moment. You acknowledge your emotions without judgement. And then you just move on. This frees you from losing a day of productivity because you were obsessed with this one comment.

Mindful Living Helps Ground You in Gratitude

During unpleasant tasks, like while you’re washing dishes or cleaning up the kids’ messes, it can be tempting to let your mind wander. But an important part of mindful living is learning to stay in the moment, even if that moment is unpleasant or uncomfortable.

Don’t give into feelings of negativity as you’re staying aware during a difficult moment. Instead, focus on giving thanks. For example, you might say something like, “I’m blessed to have a home to clean” or how much you love your kids even when they’re being messy. Now, you’ve managed to stay in the moment without letting yourself focus on the negative.

Mindful Living Can Improve Your Mood

Few things can improve your mood quite like mindful living. Often, anxious thoughts are the result of worrying about the future while sad thoughts are related to regretting the past. Mindful living helps because it forces you to stop overthinking.

Unless there’s something you can do to change your past, you have to accept what’s happened in your life. If you do find that you’re frequently haunted by regrets or always worrying about tomorrow, it might be smart to speak to a trained counselor who can help you move on.

Mindful living is one simple way to improve your life. Try to spend a week focused on mindful living and see how your thoughts change.

Stop Living on Autopilot

Susan was driving her daughter to a playdate with a friend from school. She spent most of the drive thinking about the fight she just had with a friend. When she arrived at her destination, she realized she was actually at the grocery store, instead of friend’s house. She quickly turned her car around and managed to her friend’s house on time.

What Susan realized at the grocery store was that she had been on “autopilot.” She wasn’t fully present in that moment. Some researchers say that the average person spends over half their time on autopilot. This isn’t an intentional way to go through life!

Phone Addiction

One common problem in our society is phone addiction. Whether you’re at the doctor’s office or at a red light, you’re constantly checking your phone for messages. You respond to text messages when you’re waiting on line at the grocery store. You dictate your to do list into your phone while you’re driving.

You’re constantly connected to your smartphone, but the fact is that you’re disconnected from the world around you – your family, friends and coworkers.

If you make a habit of eating in front of a screen, you’ll notice your empty plate but then you can’t remember what your food tasted like. Or worse, you realize that you’ve eaten more food than you thought you did. This type of disconnect between your body and mind can lead you to overeat (with regrets afterwards) and to not enjoy your meals as you should.

How to Create a Mindfulness Journal

Mindfulness is a complete body, mind, and spirit practice. Through meditation and
contemplation, you begin to remove the negative from your life as you learn to recognize it. You’ll also begin to see what is triggering you and how your body physically reacts to that triggering. One way to do this is by having a mindfulness journal.

How to Set Up and Use a Mindfulness Journal

A mindfulness journal strongly resembles what some might call a devotional journal. In
many cases, people use a scripture or quote to prompt their writing. This verse or statement gives you something to reflect on about your own life. As you write in your journal, you’ll be reflecting on this quote and giving your thoughts how it applies to you.

Many mindfulness journals are prompt based to get your mind thinking and focusing on you and your feelings about your day or whatever stress you’re experiencing in your life.

The ideal time to use a mindfulness journal is in the morning. This allows you to bring
the focus to you and keep that focus for the day. It is usually part of a meditation routine
that allows you to meditate for several minutes, write about your thoughts, and take
those thoughts with you throughout the day. It is a form of written meditation that can
help you focus and de-clutter your mind and thoughts.

Mindfulness journaling helps to declutter your thoughts. Some people really struggle with monkey mind, and mindfulness journaling is a great way to lose the mental clutter. It’s also a way of getting to know yourself once again.

Mindful Living Tips

Now that you’re familiar with what the concept of mindful living is, you’re probably wondering how to get started. Here’s a few exercises to get you started.

Savor Your Morning Drink

The sacred brew…whether’s it’s coffee, tea or a smoothie, take a pause first. Practice being present instead of mindlessly gulping while you scroll your social media feed.

Take a Nature Walk

Be fully present in your surroundings. What do you see and hear? Before you tune out on your headset, Take ten minutes to notice your environment as you walk. Walking meditation is a wonderful tool to find your focus and calm your emotions.

Mindful Coloring

Choose a coloring page that inspires you and won’t stress you out. How do the colors you have chosen make you feel? What does it feel like to move your art tools over paper? What thoughts are coming up and how do they affect you? You may want to journal some of these emotions.You might want to alternate between coloring and journaling if it helps you.

You’ll probably feel uncomfortable the first few times that you attempt to practice being mindful. This is totally normal and just means that you’re not use to living in the moment. Keep doing exercises like the ones above regularly and you’ll eventually become comfortable with the concept of living mindfully.

Is Mindfulness Christian?

For a long time I considered mindfulness meditation as something potentially scary and to be avoided. At least it was taught that way in the churches I’ve attended. But in my journey of recovery and living with chronic illness I’ve learned that mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to cope with the anxiety and stress of the conditions I live with.

The physical science is there to support it. And far from “emptying my mind” I’ve found that when I lose the mental chatter it’s easier to focus on my devotions. I consider Romans 14 to be very applicable here. If it’s not right for you, then of course don’t do it but I’ve found it immensely healing.

I finally came to an understanding that mindfulness is simply “practicing the pause.” Being totally present where I am this minute instead of racing to the next perceived destination. I’ve noticed a very distinct difference in the way I process stress now.

Mindfulness is not prayer. It is a brain exercise that can be integrated with Christianity. Dr. Gregory Bottaro

Our bodies are wonderful gifts. They talk to us all the time and tell us when they are out of balance or when certain parts need attention. When we allow space to connect with our breathing and our physicality, we allow ourselves to truly see and hear what our bodies are trying to tell us. This allows Christians more clarity and power to help nurture the container of the soul. It also provides more strength to literally help you embody your faith. Eden Kozlowski

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