Depression

7 Survival Tips to Reduce Holiday Stress

October 1, 2018 by Marya 5 Comments

The holiday season can be a great opportunity to spend time with family and friends and celebrate. While the holidays can be a joyous time the reality is that for many, holidays are stressful and can cause anxiety. Whether it’s because of finances, family dynamics or other worries, not everyone is excited about the holidays.

The expectations of seeing family, endless social events, gift shopping, and holiday preparation can become too much for even the most dedicated extroverts. All too often, anxiety and depression can become unwelcome holiday guests. Fortunately, there are a number of ways that you can reduce holiday stress and mindfully enjoy the holiday season.

One of the most common reasons that the holidays become stressful is the expectation placed on families who are sometimes overextended emotionally and financially. The added burden to provide big meals, provide gifts, pay for travel and overextend the budget feels like a heavy weight. Families begin to stress out just about the time they are putting away the Halloween decorations.

Despite Hallmark Channel’s fairy-tale insistence that families all love one another and that just being together is what really counts, many families are fractured, busy and unable or unwilling to live in harmony.

Have A Simple Christmas

There’s something to be said about having a simple Christmas. It’s very possible to have a holiday season without the stress and without going all out on decorations, events, and gifts. By scaling back and focusing on the more spiritual side of this holiday, you just might find more joy this season. And as an added bonus, when you keep things simple, you have a lot more time to enjoy everything this special time of the year has to offer.

For my older readers, do you remember what Christmas time was like when you were younger? Chances are you spent the month of December looking at Christmas lights, playing board games, baking cookies and singing Christmas carols. Gifts were probably less expensive but more meaningful and homemade.

So instead of buying more decorations, sort through what you have. Keep what you love and give away the rest. The house will be less cluttered and January clean up will be much easier.

Keep your calendar light too. You don’t have to go to every. single. event. Just pick a few activities and events that you know your family will enjoy. Spend the rest of the time with quiet activities at such as making cookies, crafting and watching holiday movies.

Limit Social Media

The amount of online drama and negativity has dramatically increased with no sign of slowing down. It seems to get worse every week! It can be incredibly draining. Too much time spent scrolling and absorbing other people’s outrage never helped anyone feel any better. Not only that, if the holidays are difficult for you it can increase feelings of despair and isolation. You might want to consider putting strict boundaries on your social media time.

Your time with God has to come first. Spend the first few quiet minutes of every day in quiet devotion and prayer to help center your thoughts. I like to pray the offices to spiritually check in as the day’s stresses begin to accumulate.

Eat Well

The sugar onslaught that begins around Halloween can result in decreased immunity, meaning it’s easier for you to catch everything that’s going around. As much as you can, make healthier and intentional food choices. If/when you choose to indulge, don’t turn it into a binge that lasts into January. Begin eating healthy again at the next meal. And be sure to stay hydrated.

Keep Moving

Set aside some time for movement – whether it’s walking, gentle yoga or just getting outside for a bit, getting your blood circulating is enormously helpful. Any activity or exercise you can fit in will help reduce your stress and elevate your mood. And it will help to keep the extra holiday weight away!

Set A Budget

Admittedly, retail therapy can be great fun but not so much when you have to face the New Year with more credit card debt than you can handle. You can minimize the damage by setting a budget and sticking to it.

Know Your Limits

As a chronic illness patient, I’ve had to come to accept that I can’t do everything that I used to. I don’t bake as much as I once did, try keep the decorations minimal and try to pick just a few holiday events to try to participate in. Set the priorities that work for you and your family and then stick to them.

For some of us, holidays can be really difficult. Not everyone has a supportive extended family close by. If you’re by yourself, look for ways to serve in the community. If you’ve sick, have experienced a recent loss or are experiencing ongoing financial struggles, you might want to step away from the holidays completely. Take a road trip, go to the beach or mountains. Detach in whatever ways make sense to you.

Practice Self Care

Self-care is a conscious choice that we have to make on a daily basis not only now, but throughout the year. Take some time and create a deliberate plan of self care for yourself to make it through the holiday season. Find my winter wellness tips here.

The key to having a stress-less holiday is all about preparation and setting boundaries. Holding to a plan that allows for the fun parts of the season without setting the family up for failure is the best way to ensure that everyone has the best time possible, even if times aren’t perfect.

How to Survive Holiday Depression and Disability

October 28, 2017 by Marya 6 Comments

Depression is a sad reality for many of us during the holidays. Dealing with disability in ourselves or a loved one can intensify it. Some people might also grieving the loss of a loved one. Money struggles, strained family relationships and social pressures can also make the holidays difficult.

My Story

Depression has been an unwelcome presence in my life for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I tried to numb it with food. When I was a teenager and on into early adulthood, I tried to numb myself into oblivion with drugs and alcohol. Trouble with that was I had to sober up sometime and when I did, I was still depressed. Worse, I got myself to the place where even that wasn’t working anymore.

I began attending twelve step meetings around the fall of 1985. The holiday season was beginning, of course and despite my best intentions I could not stay sober for anything. I thought I could handle the parties without drinking but failed miserably. I finally made a commitment to sobriety in January of 1988 and I’ve stayed sober ever since, one day at a time.

The first few years I went to many, many meetings around the holidays to get through it. I had to stay away from people, places and things that were potential triggers. This included my family, unfortunately as they were completely unsupportive. Eventually I got to a place where I was more comfortable in my skin and it wasn’t such an issue any more.

I give full credit to 12 step principles and the Christian faith I came to a few years later for alleviating the worst of my depression. I do still have to deal with it but today I have the tools to manage it.

My regular readers know that in the fall of 2010 I was diagnosed with cervical dystonia. I was in excruciating pain for months and months until my exercises and Botox started to help. It is a horribly depressing condition. I was on the couch with kids who needed Mom. I couldn’t get the Christmas tree up; I could only watch from the couch. To my alarm as I researched dystonia it seemed that many people who got it went through a period of drinking to deal with it.

It’s three years later and after a long, tough fight I am more functional and I was actually able to do much of the tree decorating this year. Still, I have limitations and I’m still prone to depression. I’m on a three month cycle of Xeomin injections and due for shots next week…right in the heart of Christmas season.

How To Survive Holiday Depression and Disability

Keep the Faith

Practice the spiritual tradition that makes sense to you right now, but remain open. For example, I didn’t grow up observing Advent but I’ve come to love it as an adult. Advent readings beckon me to slip away and draw near to Jesus.x.who frequently had to slip away from crowds Himself to pray to the Father. I also use the Divine Hours to make that time in the day to turn from earthly cares.

Resist the urge to overindulge

It’s so easy to try to numb yourself with holiday indulgences, but the price you’ll have to pay isn’t worth it. As much as you can, try to keep your usual nutritional plan and exercise routines going.

Making time for fellowship

As a special needs mom who is disabled herself, I have found that friendships have really changed since my diagnosis. The reality for families like ours is that we are just too much trouble to be around for a lot of people. Still, we can find time to meet a friend for coffee, go to church and go to a few community celebrations.

Exercise

There is nothing like movement to lift the spirit. Combining worship and movement can really give you a boost.

Acceptance

Accept what you can do for today and let the rest go. I can’t do everything I used to do and I’ve learned I can’t be that super perfect mom for Christmas. And that’s okay. My kids aren’t going to remember how many holiday activities I dragged them around to. They will remember the time I spent with them. Things like watching Christmas shows, baking cookies, reading or taking a walk.

Keep it simple

I don’t do a ton of decorating. A tree, stockings, the nativity and maybe a few lights and touches around the house are just enough for me.

Shop online

As the crowds, business and crazy drivers intensify in December, I am grateful to be able to just sit at the computer in my yoga pants, cup of tea in hand and browse to my hearts content instead of struggling with with my chronic pain and physical limitations in the store.

If you’re struggling with depression this holiday season, know that you are not alone and there are people who care. If the feelings are intense, and other strategies aren’t working, don’t feel guilty about seeing a doctor.

Bible Verses for Depression

Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Isaiah 49:16 I will not forget you…Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands…

May the peace and comfort of our Lord be with you this holiday season!

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5 Natural Ways to Overcome Depression

June 26, 2017 by Marya 4 Comments

Although I’ve been in recovery since 1986 and a Christian since 1988, I really struggle with depression at times. Life gets overwhelming.

Even though I’ve made many positive lifestyle changes beginning with my decision to stop drinking in 1986, things have not been easy. Despite my best hopes and intentions, some relationships have never been able to heal. I’ve gone through most of my life reeling from the wounds of toxic narcissism, emotional abuse and virtually no extended family.

My hope was that in having my own family wounds would be healed. And while we have much to be thankful for, it has come with a cost. Among four kids we have diagnoses of two heart conditions, scoliosis, Neurofibromatosis, Down Syndrome and various learning disabilities.

And then in 2010 I suddenly developed cervical dystonia, a movement disorder that disabled me. It’s all been overwhelming, to say the least. Now I’m a mom with chronic illness as well as being a special needs mom. I definitely didn’t plan this.

People have often commented that I gave them hope and while I thank them outwardly, inwardly I smile ruefully. I don’t feel very inspiring most days. I’m a person in recovery with a history of depression and anxiety trying to find hope and purpose in living one day at a time.

Depression has many causes. For some people it can be physical. Don’t be afraid to admit what you’re feeling. Find an understanding friend to talk to. If you feel you need medication for a season to get through it, talk to your doctor.

The pain of life is that it’s messy for everyone, no matter how perfect things might appear on the outside. Here’s 5 ways to find hope when life hurts.

5 Natural Ways to Overcome Depression and Find Hope

Overcome negative thinking by taking your thoughts captive. This means putting God first in every daily activity, as mundane as it might be. Spend your first moments with Him in prayer and meditation on His Word to develop greater intimacy with your Abba Father. As much as you can, reduce digital, mental and physical clutter to avoid decision fatigue.
Healthy movement is a great way to get your mind off whatever’s troubling you. It gives you something else to focus on and you’ll feel so much better afterward. It can be a walk on your street, gardening, dancing or a hardcore workout.
Find a creative activity that works for you. It might be gardening, crocheting, coloring or cooking. Do note that now might not be the best time to start something completely new and potentially overwhelming which might lead to feelings of failure! For me, just playing with a Happy Planner and washi tape is simple, fun and helps me to do daily brain dumps to get the noise out of my head.
Stay off (or reduce) time on social media. While social media can be great for feeling connected, when you’re struggling with depression it can have the opposite effect if it’s causing you to compare yourself with others or just feel left out of things. If this is the case, take some time away from scrolling your feed and just check notifications if you have to.
Spending time in nature is a wonderful way to clear the noise out of your head and find connection. Whether it’s the beach, a park, the mountains or even your backyard…whatever’s available to you in your area, get outside. It will do wonders for your mood!

5 Helpful Scriptures for Depression

I have said these things to you; that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. (Psalm 56:3)
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (Matthew 6:27)

Do you have any helpful tips for living with depression?

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10 Calming Bible Verses When You’re Overwhelmed

January 11, 2017 by Marya 3 Comments

As a mom with chronic illness, I get overwhelmed a lot. Living with chronic pain means I have to be very selective about what I say yes to and since I still have kids at home, there always seem to be too many things that need a yes.

As a special needs mom, I’ve often been overwhelmed by many diagnoses among four kids, hospital visits, therapy needs, financial concerns, school issues, dietary needs and more.

The older I get, the more I understand just how much I’m powerless over. It’s scary. But when I dwell on it all too much, and let the worries of life begin to distract me from what I should be doing fear, depression and discouragement become a constant presence.

Much of the time the overwhelmed feeling comes from not spending quality time in prayer and Bible reading and thinking I could do things in my own strength. Time in the Word is essential to my spiritual maintenance. Too many times I’ve rushed through it or pushed it aside in favor of social media so that I didn’t have to think too hard in the morning when I’m foggy.

I’m still learning how to live intentionally and learning not to let my monkey mind run the show. One of the most important things I can do is meditate, even if it’s just one verse.

Here’s 10 calming Bible verses when you’re overwhelmed.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. (John 14:1)
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. (Isaiah 26:3)
Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. (Psalm 46:10)
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. (Romans 8:37)
Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…(Isaiah 49:15-16a)

Do you have a favorite verse about being overwhelmed not listed here? I’d love to hear it!

3 Positive Steps To Overcome Low Self Esteem

November 15, 2016 by Marya 1 Comment

Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence can be caused by many factors. Most people think that to overcome low self-esteem, you have to look inside yourself and do a lot of navel gazing. But this isn’t necessarily true. We should also take a look at the external factors that might be contributing to chronic low self-esteem.

You may have already spent a good amount of time looking inside yourself for all the reasons that you’re struggling. Let’s take a look at the larger space that you’re living in. Ask yourself these questions and spend some time honestly thinking about your answers.

Learn to Live Large

Sometimes we feel small because we’re living small. This doesn’t mean that you have to do anything crazy or beyond your means but think about ways to create new space in your life.

Many people with low self-esteem find themselves living in a rut they can’t seem to escape. Maybe you’ve started to believe that you can’t do any better and you just stop trying new things. Over time, you’ll create a self-fulfilling prophecy without realizing it. Take a look at your life right now. What limitations have you accepted without challenging them? How can you create more space and margin in your life so that you can grow?

Surround Yourself With Positive People

We are deeply influenced by the people we spend the most amount of time with. This can be a good thing if you’re spending time with positive people, but not such a good thing if they’re negative and taking you with them.

Ask yourself how you’d feel if you didn’t speak to a certain friend or family member for a week. Would you feel relieved at the thought of missing that person’s rants about her life? Now think about a person who is a consistent source of encouragement in your life. You’d probably start to miss that person’s good influence in your life.

If there’s someone negative in your life, you don’t have to cut them out completely. But do look for ways to limit your time together and don’t be afraid to change the topic of conversation if things take a negative turn. However, if the relationship is so toxic that it’s causing damage to your emotional health, it’s perfectly okay to walk away.

Learn to Pursue New Experiences

Often a lack of confidence and self-esteem can be caused by becoming too comfortable. You do the same things in the same way every single day. You don’t change things up. You don’t challenge yourself to experience new things and you don’t go beyond what’s safe and comfortable. This can cause you to stop growing as a person.

When you go outside your normal and look for new experience, you open yourself up. You discover new ways to do things. You find solutions that you wouldn’t have come up with any other way. You learn more about yourself and the world around you.

You can find new experiences into your life just by looking for opportunities outside of your comfort zone. Try a new restaurant. Volunteer in a different part of town. Take a road trip with no agenda and see where you end up.

Your environment plays a big part in shaping your overall self-esteem, so don’t be afraid to look around at your life and make some needed changes. Surround yourself with people and experiences that build up your confidence and you’ll begin to overcome issues of low self-esteem.