Marya

10 Symptoms of Stress You Should Know

Stress really isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a natural process designed to protect or at the very least prepare us for imminent danger. Stress is what helps us run from threats or push through chaotic situations. But it’s important to recognize the symptoms of stress because they can sneak up on you without your being awareness of it. We get used to that feeling of constantly being over worked and over stimulated.

In small doses and for a short time, stress is a good thing. It becomes a problem when we are totally stressed out and it’s constant. Chronic stress is what causes things like adrenal fatigue, high blood pressure, belly fat and heart disease.

If you have a constant wired, tense feeling, more than likely you are stressed out.

Many times we don’t even realize just how stressed out we are until something major happens and our body then forces us to slow down. Don’t let it get that far. Learn to recognize the early signs you are stressed out. Learn to control the stress, work on reducing the stressful situation, and most importantly make time to rest and relax so you can recover from the unavoidable stress and pressure life throws at you.

Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” – Khalil Gibran

10 Symptoms of Stress

A general feeling of anxiety and feeling unwell.
Trouble sleeping.
Lack of concentration and focus.
Mindless eating and snacking throughout the day. (Sweet and salty foods are particularly appealing!)
Needing a nightly glass of wine or beer to unwind.
Feeling overwhelmed.
Hair loss
Compromised immunity.
Depression and loneliness.
GI symptoms including nausea, dizziness, and diarrhea.

The problem is that these symptoms of being stressed can stress us out even more. We may respond by pushing harder, which makes us feel even worse.

What Happens To Your Body When You’re Stressed?

Stress may cause emotional distress such as depression and anxiety. Not only that, but you may start having physical issues in your body. You may even notice certain issues that are more long-term problems from ongoing stress in your life. Here are some ways that stress affects your entire body and a few relaxation techniques to help you manage stress more effectively.

Ongoing Tension and Pain

One of the most common ways that stress can affect your entire body is by causing tension. This tension may show up in your muscles, neck, and other mysterious aches and pains. The tension can lead to chronic pain as well. This pain can be in the form of severe headaches or body aches that require medication to heal. If you have ongoing stress and tension, you may find yourself experiencing issues related to inflammation and even serious body issues like Fibromyalgia.

Eating Disorders

When some people are stressed they may experience eating issues that lead to severe eating disorders. You may find yourself binge eating. Or you might even find yourself experiencing so much stress that you can’t keep food down. This can lead to an emotional and mental connection that drives you towards anorexia or other related issues. Learning to live more mindfully and and developing strategies to reduce anxiety is one of the best ways to manage disordered eatings. (If disordered eating is making your life unmanageable, please seek professional help.)

Heart Issues

Another thing to consider is stress can affect your heart over time. Unchecked stress can lead to high blood pressure. When this happens you can experience shortness of breath and possibly even stroke or heart attack if it is ongoing and happens often. If your blood pressure or stress are out of control, it’s essential that you seek professional help right away in addition to stress management techniques.

You will find that as you remove stress from your daily life, you will start to find the long term effects will reduce. To remove them completely, you will need to focus on each aspect and work to make sure that your stress does not get to a level that the long term issues rise again. Regular exercise routine, meditation, and healthy eating can all help with this.

Stress Management Techniques

The only way to break the cycle of being stressed out all the time is to address THE problem… the stress.

We can do this by making a conscious effort to cut (or reduce) stress, learning simple relaxation techniques, and learning to give ourselves the time and rest that we need to recover.

Limit caffeine.
Don’t drink to relieve stress. Alcohol will likely make things worse.
Increase physical activity
Try meditation
Talk to a friend
Keep a journal or try adult coloring
Improve your time management
Know when to say no.
Take a day trip out in nature.
Join my 30 day stress reduction challenge for easy to implement, actionable tips to reduce stress in your life!

In this life, we’re all going to experience stress. Unchecked it can contribute to poor health.We can’t always control everything. But we can control how we respond to it.

You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

Do You Need a Social Media Detox?

With so much going on in the world, many of us feel we have a responsibility to stay up to date on world events that can potentially impact our families. But consuming a steady stream of sensationalized headlines and political conflicts can leave us feeling overwhelmed with social media overload.

Sometimes I find myself missing the “old days” when we read the newspaper in the morning and just watched the evening news later in the day. Now there’s a 24 hour news cycle of news stories, headlines and images that are carefully designed to make us react!

The next time you’re consuming media content, whether you’re scrolling through your Facebook feed or watching the news, be aware of how each story is impacting you. What kinds of stories are you drawn to? Now think about what impact they’re having on you.

Do you feel discouraged or depressed after you close the browser tab? Mark Manson states the following in his excellent article In the Future, Our Attention Will Be Sold:

Social networks are the business model of the attention economy. They are wholly dependent on eyeballs and clicks to make all of their revenue. To do this, they design algorithms that show you the most interesting and attention-grabbing information available in your social network. If your newsfeed was full of the boring and drab day-to-day stuff, you’d stop looking at it. So instead, Facebook shows you the most extreme occurrences in your social network for the simple reason that the extreme events draw the most attention.

This has drastic effects not only on our perceptions of society as a whole, but also on how we perceive our personal lives.

Why Is Information Overload a Problem?

Have you ever started a new project and tried to learn ALL the information to the point that it feels like your brain might explode? That’s what information overload feels like, and it’s a daily reality for most people due to fast access to information from social media. Information overload be the cause of a number of stress related symptoms such as: * Headache * Stress * Moodiness * Overweight * Cardiovascular issues Not only that, but it often causes problems in relationships with family, friends and colleagues. When you post something that stirs up contention, that’s what will come back to you. If you struggle with information overload, remember that it’s an intentional choice you make to be connected all day. You don’t have to watch all the news and all the talk shows to stay current.

Don’t Go Down the Rabbit Trail

Anytime you want to learn something new, it’s incredibly tempting to start gathering tons of information. And with multiple platforms such as Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter and all the rest, it’s easy to get sucked into the due to the social media mob mentality and wander down the rabbit trail of never ending information. After awhile you don’t even recognize what’s good information and what’s bad.

Overload Leads to Poor Information Filtering

When you are bombarded with nonstop information and news headlines,, your brain can’t filter and process it all properly.. Your brain starts to generalize all information as being the same, instead of filtering information in terms of importance. This is makes wise decision making a real problem.

It Also Leads to Black and White Thinking

The older I get, the more I realize that the world is not black and white. The world is colorful, black, white, gray and everything in between and more. The same can be said for a lot of issues. There are very few issues that are either right or wrong, black or white. There are always many perspectives to consider.

If you have too much information at your fingertips and are rating everything the same, it’s easy to see things as black and white, which can make it hard to negotiate a happy life and successful business. And if you filter your newsfeed to read only the stories and opinions that you agree with, that only worsens black and white thinking.

Does Social Media Affect Your Health?

Social media addiction can lead some people to experience mental problems such as short-term memory issues and even depression. If you find that you’re just feeling mixed up a lot, forget appointments and aren’t doing your best in real life such as home or work, you probably want to consider information overload as a potential culprit.

The impact of social media addiction affects all of us. Families have forgotten how to talk to each other. People are wrecking their cars due to not being able to turn away from looking at their text messages. Many people are overwhelmed, unfocused and stressed out from the 24/7 news cycle and endless notifications.

But Can Social Media Help You?

For me, social media used positively can be a good thing but I’m learning how to implement boundaries. As a special needs mom with chronic illness and a woman in recovery, it’s easy for me to feel depressed and isolated at times and social media offers a great place to connect with old friends and those who share my interests.

Not only that, but it helps me to stay current with disability advocacy issues. But when I find myself using it to procrastinate about other things that I really should be doing, numb out or if I feel depressed after getting online, it’s time to reevaluate how I’m using it.

Learning how to practice mindfulness in my social media consumption has been really helpful. I’ve learned how to implement boundaries. For example, in 2008 when I first got my Facebook account, I got into a few stupid arguments that placed a strain on real life relationships.

I don’t always want to know my friends’ political leanings but I’ve had to learn to live and let live. I very rarely comment on public threads or memes that I know are designed to provoke. I hide people from the news feed who constantly post stories that are triggering. I do try to stay informed on what’s important but don’t get sucked into everything.

How to Stop Wasting Time on Social Media

If you’re not ready for a detox, learning to use social media mindfully can help reduce the screen time that may be stressing you out. Here’s a few suggestions:

Check in twice a day at set times. It’s a good idea to avoid it completely before lunchtime. Checking into your accounts with your morning coffee will cloud your productivity and getting caught up in the day’s drama will cause you to lose focus.

Focus on what matters most. If you’re a blogger or online business owner, when it comes to doing tasks on social media, money-making tasks should come first, then relationship building, then personal activities. If you focus on just whatever is in front of you when you check your social media, you’ll get sucked in. Develop a plan of attack.

Outsource. Find someone to help you with social media if you’re using it for business. There are many social media managers who are good at helping you do the job properly. If that’s not your main money-making activity, let someone else do it. (Shameless promo: I’m a virtual assistant and can help you lighten your social media load. Learn more here!)

Turn off notifications. If you use Facebook for business, turn off the notifications so that you’re not tempted to respond every time one of your friends posts something. If you’re a member of Facebook groups (which certainly serve their purpose) turn off the notifications and mindfully check in once a day.

Give yourself a set time limit for scrolling. 10 or 15 minutes tops is a good boundary to set.

Unfollow the people who stress you out. Seriously, even if it’s a family member. For me, I don’t need to know people’s politics or what crazy conspiracy theories they’re into. And I don’t have time to watch dozens of videos. You can always check in periodically so that they don’t think you’re completely ignoring them.

Be honest. Many times being busy feels good. It feels like you’re doing something and accomplishing something. But, the truth is, not all activities that make you busy are productive.It’s important that you develop the ability to be honest with yourself about why you’re really on the phone.

Be mindful. Whereever you are and whomever you’re with, be fully present with them. Practice the presence instead of being distracted by your phone. And when you do get online, take note of how you’re feeling first.

Do You Really Need a Social Media Detox?

For those of us who work online, doing a social media detox isn’t terribly practical. But if it’s a non-essential activity for you, you feel like you might be addicted and you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, doing a detox would be a really good thing for your mental health. Take the apps off your phone and tablet. You just might be surprised at how much better you feel!

Remember, if you’re already feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, it’s probably a good idea to do something else for awhile..something physical and tangible like going for a walk, journaling to get out of your head. If you’re looking to numb yourself, remember than social media can be abused just like any other substance like alcohol or food. And when you’re using it for the wrong reasons, chances are you’ll feel even worse afterwards.

Our Story of Down Syndrome and Congenital Heart Defects

The Pregnancy

Around August of 2000 I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t happy or excited about it. The birth of my daughter in 1999 was complicated by a diagnosis of vasa previa, a life threatening situation for myself and her. She was delivered at 36 weeks after I spent the last trimester on bedrest. She wasn’t ready to breathe on her own yet and had to be ventilated for a few hours. She remained in NICU for two weeks. We soon began to notice she wasn’t meeting her developmental milestones and we enlisted the services of Early Intervention. She still was not walking when I got the positive pregnancy test, and did not take her first steps until I was about seven months pregnant.

We attended a church with lots of homeschoolers and big families. It was hard to admit to anyone my sadness and sense of being overwhelmed. The few people I did try to share with my feelings with brushed them off with “I should be happy.” I was scared. I never planned on four kids and wondered how I was going to do it.

My pregnancy proceeded uneventfully until it was time for the routine 20 week ultrasound. The technician got that deadpan expression, left the room and brought back someone with her to look at it. They told me on the spot there were several markers for Down Syndrome and a possible heart defect. I was sent for a level 2 ultrasound. Nothing was found. I was then sent for a fetal echo. Nothing was found. My OB badgered me at every visit to get an amnio. Knowing it was not a risk free procedure, I refused.

I spent the rest of the pregnancy praying that God would not do “that” to us. A few weeks before delivery a friend complained to me about her cleaning lady always bringing her “retarded” sister with her when she cleaned her house. That word rang in my ears for weeks, including on the way down to the hospital for my planned c-section.

The Birth

My son Nicolas was born May 16, 2001. His almond shaped eyes were very obvious. The OR was deadly silent and strained. He promptly turned navy blue and was rushed to NICU. Nobody in OR was saying a word. It was like I gave birth to an “it.” There were no welcoming baskets or kind words. The neonatologist referred to him as a “Down Syndrome situation.” When I visited him in NICU his fingers and toes were still blue.

The following morning a pediatric cardiologist appeared in my room and explained the nature of his heart defect to me. AV Canal – the simplest way to explain is that it was a giant hole in the middle of his heart. (Read more about Heart Defects and Down syndrome here.) I would have to bring him down to cardiology weekly for them to follow him. I was reeling. I had three kids 9 and under who were homeschooled. I had no family in the area to help.

The shock of the heart defect dwarfed the shock of the Down Syndrome diagnosis. I was having trouble bonding. I am sharing this honestly because I know other parents have gone through this and I want to let them know that these feelings are normal and will change in time.

I wondered what kind of future he would have. I thought my life was over.

Heart Failure

It was extremely stressful trying to feed him and care for him. The cardiac problem made feeding him very difficult as he was breathing so fast. He never got above his birth weight. About three weeks later Nicolas went into heart failure and Lasix was prescribed. By July I wasn’t leaving the house and was completely overwhelmed with trying to feed him. I broke down, called the hospital and told them I just couldn’t do it any more. He was admitted to the Cardiac Critical Unit that day. I remember staring at that sign for a very long time.

He stayed at the hospital for several weeks until his open heart surgery on August 2, 2001. I felt horrible for not being able to be there around the clock as I had three young children at home but I was comforted that he was greatly loved by the nurses who took care of him.

His surgery went well and I had in home nursing for about six weeks after he came home. During this time I got on the Internet and saw many pictures of beautiful children who had Down Syndrome. I began to see their humanity and the joy they brought to their families. Initially a reluctant mom, I became transformed into a fierce advocate.

What It’s Like Now

At the time of this writing, Nicolas was 12. His heart checks were uneventful for years but suddenly in 2011 he began experiencing seizures that were cardiac in origin. When we got him to the cardiologist his heart rate was down to 25 beats per minute and we were sent directly to All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg for a pacemaker.

It was standing room only, three cardiologists and several nurses in his room when we got there. I was also recently diagnosed with cervical dystonia and still struggling with pain management. “How much, Lord…” I frequently wondered.

We’ve had our joys and our challenges. I wanted to be “Down Syndrome supermom” but with so many other medical challenges with my other kids and myself it has been hard to do everything I wanted to. Nicolas isn’t where I had hoped he would be academically, but he is always learning and growing.

He has a smile that lights up a room and he is always a favorite at school, church and camp. He speaks pretty well and can be quite the wise guy. He is wickedly funny and is often the subject of my Facebook updates. He’s also as stubborn as hell.

Over the years I’ve noticed people with Down Syndrome have a unique way of assessing a situation and speaking the truth about it in a very simple, yet profound way. They are also fun. They’re all about the party and the outfit. Many are phenomenal dancers. They go to work. They live and they love. Their angels are always close. Those who love and care for them are themselves transformed. That extra chromosome is truly the “love” chromosome.

Yet our society consistently downplays the contributions these beautiful souls can make. Inclusion in schools and churches continues to be a battle. Invitations are few and far between. It can take years to get the supports and services needed. Horrible Down Syndrome jokes and “retard” slurs still abound on the internet. Jobs and the question of who will look out for them when we are gone weigh heavily on our minds.

This journey hasn’t been an easy one but we wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

How to Declutter Your Life

As a mom living with chronic illness and the chronic pain that goes along with it, I’ve really been working on getting rid of clutter. It’s overwhelming, bogs me down and causes decision fatigue. Not to mention, having too many things to take care of taxes my already limited energy reserves (in spoonie speak, it costs too many spoons) Nothing is more relaxing that living in a space that’s been simplified and decluttered. But getting started with the decluttering process can be really overwhelming. How do you decide what to get rid of to declutter your life? Unfortunately many of us are really attached to stuff that we’ve been holding on to for years (or decades) and might even struggle to give things away that we haven’t even used.

How to Get Started Decluttering When You’re Overwhelmed

More and more people are discovering the joy and peace that minimalism brings. It’s incredibly appealing to consider downsizing and simplifying your life by getting rid of the junk and clutter and learning to live more intentionally. But for many of us the actual process of getting rid of the stuff can be daunting, especially if you’ve accumulated decades of clutter all in one place. Begin by making things more manageable and take a look at some specific ideas for how to handle decluttering overwhelms.

Know Your Why

In business life, the concept of “Know Your Why” is often used as a motivator to remind entrepreneurs of the reasons they went into business for themselves in the first place. This same concept is essential for keeping you focused when the decluttering process becomes difficult. Understanding your reasons for wanting to live a minimalist lifestyle is crucial to following through.

Make It a Priority

The first step to getting a handle on your feelings about decluttering is to understand that nothing needs to be accomplished overnight. Set aside a general amount of time for the project, knowing that your timeline can be extended slightly, if necessary. Having a time frame provides structure, but allowing wiggle room takes away the pressure.

Create a Plan

Having a concrete plan is essential to the smooth completion of any goal you hope to accomplish. It only makes sense that mapping out your steps to decluttering would also be beneficial. Write down things in your journal such as the order you wish to tackle your clutter, how many rooms or areas you would like to complete each week, the manner in which you want to sell valuable items and where you will donate the rest. This simple and proactive step can go a long way toward making it all seem more manageable.

Visualize Your Ideal Space

One more thing to do before actually getting down to the business of decluttering is to create a visual in your head of how you’d like your finished space to look. It may even help to jot down some drawings and notes. Doing so will help you decide what to keep and what to discard because you will have a better idea of whether a particular item will complement your vision or detract from it.

It’s true that the hardest part is often actually getting started. Now that you know some concrete ways to manage the overwhelm of decluttering, you’re feeling inspired to begin the process.

How to Declutter Your Home

Put that stress aside for right now. Just start with this list of 50 easy items to toss on your decluttering journey, and you’ll soon be decluttering like a pro.

1. Junk mail
2. Broken or ugly jewelry
3. Old Calendars
4. Duplicates of anything
5. Nearly empty perfume bottles
6. Old makeup
7. Outgrown toys or games
8. Socks with holes
9. Boxes from electronics or small appliances
10. Unused paint
11. Kidsclothes that no longer fit
12. Non-perishable food items you haven’t eaten
13. Excess shopping bags
14. Outdated holiday ornaments
15. Broken laptops or devices you’ve been meaning to fix
16. Unused blankets
17. Old trophies or memorabilia you no longer value
18. That collection of buttons you never sewed back on
19. Unnecessary receipts
20. Unused or old spices
21. Accessories for hobbies you’re no longer interested in
22. Frozen foods past their use by dates
23. Stretched-out undergarments
24. Vacation souvenirs you never look at
25. Purses long out of style
26. Instruction manuals for things you no longer own
27. Last year’s calendar or planner
28. Craft supplies for projects never begun or completed
29. Pens that don’t work
30. Beauty products that you don’t use.
31. Stuff that’s been in your junk drawer forever
32. The clutter at the bottom of your purse
33. Pantyhose or tights with runs
34. Gift you never liked in the first place
35. Anything you forgot you even had
36. Pet supplies from animals that have long passed
37. Chipped dishware or cookware
38. Home decor that no longer fits your personality
39. Earrings without a mate
40. Games with missing pieces
41. Old magazines
42. Books you’ve read once or will likely never read
43. Expired medicines
44. Electronics chargers without a device
45. Excess or mismatched glassware
46. Toys from fast-food children’s meals
47. Videos you no longer watch (anything VHS not a collector’s item!)
48. Kitchen gadgets you don’t use (sandwich press, ice cream maker, etc.)
49. Scraps of or faded wrapping paper
50. Swimwear with snags

Declutter Your Mind

Decluttering is a matter of mindset. What are you holding on to that’s causing you to feel overwhelmed and stressed? Here’s some ways to create more internal space.

Start a journal.
Get outside.
Take a tech break.
Know when to say no.
Practice mindfulness

None of this stuff should stress you out to get rid of. Just get started and watch your motivation skyrocket! You’ll be making huge improvements in stress levels and and hopefully find some household peace!

Books About Intentional Living

The Amazing Health Benefits of Mindful Coloring

You’ve probably noticed that coloring books have been a thing right now, and an extremely popular one at that. Coloring seems like the perfect antidote to our stressed digital lives. It takes us back to a simpler time. There are many health and psychological benefits of coloring.

When I was a kid, my favorite thing to do was hide away in my room and sketch and draw for hours. With no digital distractions, it was easy to get lost in it. But as I grew older, I grew dissatisfied with my work and never felt like it was good enough. To make things worse, I tried to get into an specialized art school but didn’t make it, and I stopped after that. However in my midlife years, I’ve begun to take it up again.

Mindful coloring is really a very simple concept. It is the art of coloring while practicing mindfulness. Being mindful is all about being in the moment, being engaged and involved in what’s going on around you. Unfortunately, mindfulness has become a lost art in our day with the ubiquitous presence of cell phones along with social media and a 24 hour news cycle. We sadly miss out on the basic pleasures and simple joys of life because we’re so busy multitasking.

Have you heard of the amygdala? If not, you’ve certainly heard of a fight or flight response. This is what happens when you’re overwhelmed, overworked, and anxious. It gets worked up and leaves you feeling panicked. Coloring can help to calm the amygdala, which can help you focus on a more positive life experience.

Coloring is a no-stress creative outlet that anyone can do with just a few inexpensive supplies.

How is Coloring Mindful?

Mindful coloring is great for stress reduction. Think about it..when you’re busy coloring, you’re just doing one thing. More than likely, you just want to focus on coloring and not check your phone, do housework or watch TV. As you focus on one thing, you’ll clear your mind of everything as you pick colors and focus on what you’re doing.

Mindful Coloring Can Be A Teaching Tool

Coloring is a form of mindfulness meditation. The simple act of coloring can teach you to create better habits in other parts of your life. Mindful coloring allows you to learn to clear the junk out of your mind and focus on the task at hand, the act of coloring. And as you learn to focus and be mindful while coloring, you’ll learn beneficial tool to practice mindfulness in every area of your life.

Mindful Coloring Relieves Stress

One of the biggest benefits of mindful coloring is the way it relaxes you. You’re no longer focused on all the things that overwhelm and worry you. You’re focusing on something simple and childlike and it greatly reduces whatever’s troubling you. One of the big reasons for the popularity of coloring books is that it’s a great way to calm down and find focus.

Coloring is beneficial for anyone. It isn’t just for kids! Once you realize how beneficial mindful coloring is, you’ll return to it for stress relief, as a creative outlet and simple meditation. Coloring can be a great part of your self care toolbox, but if you live with serious mood disorders, please seek the help of a competent professional.

How to Get Started With Mindful Coloring

There’s so many options available not it can be a little overwhelming. And if you don’t like coloring mandalas, there’s lots of options to choose from that are completely adaptable to your skill and mobility needs. Don’t think you’re limited to just coloring mandalas. There are dozens books on almost every theme imaginable. Here’s a few ideas to get you started!

Coloring Supplies for Adult Coloring Books

There’s no rules for adult coloring. Don’t be afraid to experiment and feel free to color outside of the lines! Two of the most popular options are colored pencils and markers. Each one has its own advantage.

With colored pencils, you can change the intensity of the color by varying the amount of pressure you put on the pencil, which gives you more control over how your coloring page will appear.

Markers can give your picture an intense, vibrant look. They’re also a faster way to color, if you’re low on time or energy. However,they don’t allow you to vary your hue. So if you want to color a flower several different shades of pink, you’ll have some difficulty with that. And you’ll also have to check any new coloring books you buy to ensure your markers aren’t ‘bleeding’ onto the next page.

But don’t be afraid to experiment with coloring tools that are out of the box. Some people really using gel pens to color, while other people might prefer to use a box of crayons. Try out a few options and see what you strikes you as the most fun.

How to Choose a Color Palette for Adult Coloring Books

If you’ve ever become frustrated with how your pages come out, try working with color palettes to give your adult coloring books a more uniform look. You can find inspiration for color palettes in nature or around your home. Any time you’re out, if you see a color pattern that inspires you, just take a quick picture of it. For online inspiration, you can do a Pinterest search of color palettes, this inspirational brand palette guide from Canva, Design Seeds, or Color Collective.

The Best Coloring Books for Adults

There is science to support coloring for adults, and even Crayola is excited about the social trend. The brand now carries markers, colored pencils and their own label of Coloring Escapes for grown-ups.

With the explosion of adult coloring, the subject matter of coloring pages for adults is almost infinite. Look for what motivates you and helps to express what you might be thinking…even your darkest thoughts or edgy humor. Nobody has to see it but you!

Still Coloring Book Picks

This blog uses Amazon affiliate links.

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6 Creative Ways to Practice Self Care

In May of last year I had my hair, nails and feet all done at the same time. For the first time in 29 years. And I felt GUILTY about it. Guilty about being selfish, wasting money, feeling frivolous, feeling like I was the only mom at the homeschool group with her nails done.

But the truth is I needed the mental lift. After months of distressing GI symptoms which led to my ulcerative colitis diagnosis and subsequent messy ER visit, I needed to feel pretty again.

Months of focusing on crap and GI bleeding can do that to you!

Because I knew that things waere going to be crazy with end of the year & graduation activities, I had them done one more time, inwardly wincing at the expense. I’m glad I did it. I can’t justify the ongoing expense all the time, but I’ll definitely do it again when I can!

Sometimes as women we just need to do things like this for ourselves. It isn’t selfish to fill your own cup first.

I wrote previously about this at Why Self Care Is Not Selfish

6 Creative Ways to Practice Self Care

This is what practicing self care looks for me right now. Use it as a jumping off point for your own self care practice.

Daily Bible Reading – I’ve been a Christian since 1988 and still have not read the Bible all the way through. I’m using a plan from YouVersion and have committed to reading it through. I did stumble a bit during the past month (I was in Leviticus…) but picked it back up again. I’m going through some life transitions and uncertainties right now and need to keep my focus on God.

Daily Movement – I alternate between yoga and gentle cardio workouts. Because of my condition, I can’t do anything like bootcamp workouts, CrossFit or get to a gym. Much as I’d like a “ripped” look it isn’t realistic right now for where I am. And that’s going to have to be okay. Self care means if I need a day of restorative movement or even just stretches in bed, so be it.

Daily Creativity – Back in the olden days before motherhood, the Internet and All The Things, I loved to lose myself in art. I lost track of that part of myself and am trying to pick it up again, even if it’s just coloring at the end of the day. I think I’ve become so used to communicating electronically that I’ve lost sight of the sensory peace that comes with doing something tactile.

Daily Mindfulness – I really love the Calm app and use it every day. Sometimes for the 10 minute meditation and sometimes for body scans. If I have trouble sleeping, I listen to one of the sleep stories and have no trouble falling asleep again. Practicing the pause and keeping my head where my feet are is an essential way for me to stay focused and reduce stress.

Daily Nutrition – Following my diagnosis, I went on the SCD Diet, a grain free protocol for people with autoimmune, IBD and other disorders. I’m a NYC foodie at heart and this has been tough. I stayed on it for a month and then fell away for a few days, causing my symptoms to flare again. I’d really like to keep my colon if I can so I printed out some SCD meal plans that I had and started following them.

Daily Decluttering – All the stuff around me causes stress. We have two decades worth of stuff that we’re still weeding out. Going forward I want to live as minimally and simplistically as my crazy life will allow.

Other Self Care Strategies

Begin a gratitude practice. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Before you go to bed at night count down 10 things that you’re grateful for. It can be completely basic, like having a roof over your head and enough to eat. Practiced on a regular basis, this will help to transform your mindset.

Enjoy the little things. No matter where you are, be fully present. The magic is there, you just have to calm the mental noise down. Maybe it’s listening to your child laugh, hugging your dog, getting outside to watch the sun go down. Having a date night with your partner.

Take 5 minutes out. When life gets overwhelming, step away from it. Simply focus on your breath for a few minutes, then grab a big cup of ice water and see if you don’t feel better.

How Will You Practice Self Care?

I just gave you a few examples of how I’m going to fill my cup going forward. I’m a special needs mom with chronic illness, and a sober one at that. Self care is absolutely critical for me so that I don’t succumb to depression and anxiety.

Your idea of filling your cup may look completely than mine. So if you’re able to get to a spa or a massage, then go for it! Maybe for you, spiritual reading looks like 12 step literature, or following your favorite author on Facebook. Or maybe you can handle those hard workouts.

Do some quiet inventory and determine what you need to fill your cup. It doesn’t have to look like mine or anybody else’s. Find what works for you.

Just remember this…self care isn’t selfish. Take care of yourself. It’s okay and very necessary to fill your cup so you can be the person you want to be for your family, friends and community.

Reflections on 33 Years of Living Sober

On January 5, 1986 I had an epiphany. I decided to quit playing around and emptied the last of my beer down the drain to see if getting sober and this twelve step thing was going to work for me or not.

I lived in dirty, gritty old NYC back then. With very limited funds and no family support, all I could do was go to as many meetings as I could. That first year was rough as I learned to navigate a new life away from bars and clubs. I really don’t know where I’d be now without that initial support now. In Manhattan & Brooklyn, it was easy enough to get to 2 or 3 meetings a day, even though I worked.

And then there were the meetings after the meetings – usually in the neighborhood diners – and the sober clubs that were just as important as the meetings themselves.

I moved to Florida in 1994. It’s never really been the same here. Being a busy homeschooling & special needs mom with chronic health concerns there just wasn’t a lot of extra time or energy to drive 20 miles to get to a meeting at the end of the day.

For the past two decades I was focused on raising my kids and homeschooling. It’s been a mixed bag. I did it with the best of intentions & don’t regret it, but it became toxic to me over the years. I grew tired of the politics, lack of inclusiveness to the special needs kids and the rigid theological positions on issues I considered grey areas and not essentials.

I always felt like I was hiding “the real me” away. Trying to act like a good Christian and fit with the evangelical crowd didn’t work too well for me. With so much old baggage to deal with, not having a safe space to talk was one of the worst things I could have done.

I feel like I need to refocus now and continue the healing work. I want to find my spiritual roots again….the gospel of grace that got lost for me in a sea of good intentions that went sour.

Recovery looks different for me today and means embracing new modalities such as:

*Extreme self care
*Writing, blogging & everything that goes along with it. (Yea! My brain still works!)
*Yoga
*Daily dog therapy
*Ongoing Practice of steps 10, 11 and 12

I’m really happy to see the online recovery community taking off. The time is right for this and for women in long term recovery to come out of the closet to carry the message that no, Mommy doesn’t need wine to survive it all. It’s very doable and dare I say even joyful to live alcohol free.

Many of us need (in my case, have needed!) an alternative to rigid 12 step dogma. We may have life circumstances that prevent us from maintaining a presence in the rooms like we once did but that doesn’t mean we’re headed for relapse as long as we continue the necessary spiritual work.

She remembered who she was and the game changed. – Lalah Delia

Going back to NYC a few years ago reminded me of where I came from and what I’ve overcome. I was reminded that even in the worst of times, God always had my back.

But I still struggle with a few things.

Depression, it’s always crouched at the door and it’s still a daily decision not to feed the bad wolf.

Beating myself up enough over the years for not being

*the perfect homeschool mom
*the Down Syndrome supermom who was able to finagle a fantastic environment of inclusion for her child
*a Twelve Step guru

I’ve been a sober mom and that is enough.

I thought I was doing good to stay away from bars and clubs but the game has changed and I always have to be vigilant. Temptation pops up in unexpected places now, like walking through the supermarket or Target and unexpectedly getting offered a wine sample. It’s completely acceptable for moms and women of a certain age to go out for pub crawls and alcohol fueled meet ups. And then there’s the endless marketing of wine to women because “we deserve it.”

It’s still one day at a time.

With meetings so spread out here and my complicated life it’s always to be hard to find local support. I’m holding on to the hope that I’ll find my tribe in this new season of life.

Much love and warm thanks to the communities of She Recovers , Sober Mommies, Lara Frazier and Sober Señorita for helping me to revisit my earlier years in sobriety and to do some very necessary healing work.

How to Survive the Holidays with a Chronic Illness

This was my first Christmas holiday since my ulcerative colitis diagnosis in March of 2018. I’m following a strict grain free protocol, so many of the traditional foods that I’ve enjoyed for decades were completely off limits. Sometimes it got to me, but I would remind myself of the importance of what I was doing in hopes of minimizing the need for heavier drugs and to keep on being positive.

A couple of nights before Christmas we went to a local Christmas stroll. We’ve been attending this event on and off for around 15 years. While I was there, I reflected on last year’s walk, which was when my first IBD symptoms began. And 2010, the year of my cervical dystonia when I did the walk through blinding pain but I was determined to be there. The only problem I had this year was constantly having to constantly pull up my yoga pants which kept trying to slide down.

I congratulated myself on being able to enjoy the walk with no symptoms flaring…until I got home. As I took off my coat I felt a pain down my arm. Within a couple of hours, it was down past my elbow and I had trouble maneuvering myself into bed. With the timing of the weekend before Christmas, I knew I wouldn’t get into the doctor right away so I consulted Dr. Google which seemed to confirm what I suspected…something to do with the rotator cuff, either an impingement or a tear.

I couldn’t believe it. I had to hand off kitchen and wrapping responsibilities to my husband. Had to miss Christmas services because I could barely move my arm.

A Simple Christmas is Okay

The moral of the story? By keeping things simple, I didn’t set myself up for a letdown when things happened. I’d been very intentional about meditating on Advent this year and continuing my yoga practice. Cooking and baking were kept to a minimum anyway with my restrictions. With only one child still in school, the end of the year events have slowed down.

It’s been a simple holiday season without the stress, without going crazy with decorations, events, and gifts. By scaling back and focusing on the more spiritual side of this holiday, I found joy in the season and didn’t have too much depression as I’m prone to.

Surviving the Holidays with a Chronic Illness

Was it a perfect Christmas? No. I got a little down watching my family get dressed and go to church (I insisted they go!) But when it came down to it, I simply used my down time to offer thanks to God for his provision and to pray for families who were going through tough times. And that’s reality. Some Christmas seasons will be more challenging than others. Maybe there’s another diagnosis. Maybe there was a death in the family. Maybe you lost your job right before Christmas. Maybe the car broke down at the most inopportune time.

Life happens to all of us and while there are thousands of things that could happen that could potentially ruin Christmas, how you react to any of them is up to you. Some years, you simply make the best of things and move forward.

Here’s a few posts from some other chronic illness bloggers who share tips on surviving the holidays with a chronic illness.

Tom Seaman (who shares my dystonia diagnosis) offers helpful stress management tips for chronic illness warriors. Despite the business of the holidays, we’ve got to make time to attend to body, mind and spirit.

Elizabeth Sirrell at Despite Pain writes movingly about trying to continue to enjoy life despite living with chronic pain.

Sam Moss at Medical Musings writes about living with several chronic conditions, coming to terms with it all and having a Merry “Chronic Christmas.”

She writes:

If you are feeling a little melancholy…….you are not alone.

I will have a lovely Christmas but it will not necessarily be a season of constant joy. It will have moments of delight, moments of extreme fatigue, moments of excruciating pain and then moments of relaxation and rest.

This is the reality for those of us with chronic illness.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to all my readers!

XO, Marya

How to Create a Medical Binder

Using a daily wellness planner can be a huge mental health boost. First, it can help you to stay organized in your personal and professional life. Having a place to write down to do lists and other things that you’re tracking is a big stress reducer. Wellness planners can also be very useful for women with chronic illness who have even more things to keep track of like lab work and other test results, tracking symptoms, food intake, bowel movements, specialists, bills and prescriptions.

Even with all I have going on, I’ve never gotten myself organized like I should. And not only that, I’m a special needs mom. My youngest son has Down Syndrome and is a heart patient. There is LOTS to keep track of and we all know how important it is to document everything. And as I get older, I know I can’t rely on memory for everything!

The Chronic Illness Healing Binder

I was excited to have the opportunity to review The Chronic Illness Healing Binder. Its purpose is to help you organize your medical information and track your treatment and healing process. But even more than that, this combination medical binder and wellness planner will help you feel like you’re back in control of your life.

If you suffer from brain fog like I do, you’ll love having all of your information available at your finger tips without stressing yourself trying to remember all the lab results and procedures you’ve had over the years. The Chronic Illness Healing Binder is designed so that you can create your own binder devoted exclusively to your health. Just print it out, punch holes in it and place it in your binder.

For me, I’m using a classic sized Happy Planner this year for my health management and tracking so my plan is to print these out slightly reduced, maybe at 75% so that I can put them in the Happy Planner and have everything I need in one place. If you use a big Happy Planner, just use a punch to put these in your planner.

Here’s some of the forms included in the Chronic Illness Healing Binder:

Personal Information
Family History
Treatments Tracker
Medications Tracker
Practitioners Information
Diagnosis tracker
Lab Results Record
Thyroid Labs
Hospitalization Record
Surgery record (speaking from my own experience, you do lose track after awhile!)
Food sensitivities tracker
Milestones and Victories
Supplements Tracker (if you’re having a procedure, it’s really important to tell them EVERYTHING that you’re taking!)
Genetic Testing Record
Questions to Interview a New Doctor
Medical Mileage Tracker
Water Tracker
Food Journal
Movement Tracker
Self Care Tracker
Medical Bill Tracker
Login Tracker for all of those Patient Portals
Sleep tracker
Stress management evaluation
Dental Log
Before and after pics
Medical Timeline
Digital File Organization
Vacation Food Plan
Grocery List
Pharmacy Information
Toiletries Detox
Quotes for Inspiration

I’m really looking forward to FINALLY getting my organizational act together in 2019. Having everything organized and in one place is an enormous time and stress saver. Health isn’t just about your physical health, but mental and emotional health as well. Planners offer many mental health benefits, from reducing stress to diminishing anxiety. As you get organized with important information organized and planned out, you’ll feel so much better and have more time for your own self care.

With over 50 pages, worksheets, charts, and records, you will have everything you need for a sure-fire way to gain control over all your documents, lab results, doctor instructions, family history, genetic testing and a whole lot more! Whether it’s for you or a family member, I highly recommend that you give the Chronic Illness Healing Binder a good look!

How Sobriety Helps Me Cope With IBD and Mental Health

It was just about a year ago – November 2017 – that I noticed a nagging pain in my lower right side when I was doing yoga. I have a long history of pelvic pain and adhesions so I tried not to think too much about it but I had a gut feeling (see what I did there!) that something was very wrong.

The holiday season was under way and I didn’t have time for this so I swept it under the rug. A few weeks later while walking a Christmas stroll with my daughter I was almost doubled over with horrible GI pain. The buildings on the route were old and none of them had an open bathroom. I was a little panicked but I finally found a restroom. It turned out be “only” gas.

The pain and inflammation were picking up and I couldn’t even lay on my side. It was making yoga miserable. I called the gastro and made an appointment for January. I’ve had a long history of IBS and urgency but prior colonoscopies didn’t pick up anything. I was used to the urgency to poop hitting me about 10 or 15 minutes after I entered a store and walking around, and always thought that was just my normal.

I got a referral for a colonoscopy, and being me, I procrastinated about it until March. The weekend before the procedure I took my kids out. We had amazing NY pizza. I was thinking about how great it was that we finally had good pizza in Florida and how good life was.

I didn’t know that was going to be the last time I had pizza.

The big day arrived. When I woke up, the gastro told me that I had ulcerative colitis. I started out with a bang – it was pancolitis, meaning the ENTIRE colon was affected and it was, in fact “oozing.” We left and stopped to get something to eat on the way home. While we were at the table I started getting really nauseous and then I passed out cold in front of my husband. When I woke up I heard him crying and the paramedics were around me. I got whisked to our local ER where I spent a good portion of the day. I could barely stand up and needed help to get to the bathroom. When I finally was able to get there, I discovered that I had soiled myself while I had passed out. The prep didn’t go too well for some reason. I didn’t have clean clothes to change into except for the hospital gown.

That was my entry into the world of IBD at age 55.

The SCD Diet

I was pretty stunned at this turn of events but jumped into action right away. As a special needs mom I was familiar with GAPS, SCD and grain free diets so I sourced some things and changed my diet immediately. Initially I had to take prednisone for a couple of weeks, then tried balsalazide for awhile. To my distress, the incontinence was an ongoing problem so I stopped it. After a few months I switched to 100% SCD and tried not to take any more meds for a few months but after distressing, labor like pains and continual bleeding it was very apparent that I still needed to be on them. I had a sample of Apriso from the doctor and that plus the SCD diet seems to have greatly reduced my symptoms.

IBD and Mental Health

After the diagnosis, I think I jumped into everything so fast that it took me months to really start to notice the effects on my mental health. I really like to think I’m a badass but I was scared. I already had a neurological condition called cervical dystonia, (read more here) I was a special needs mom and now this?

I didn’t know what I was going to do when I had to take my 17 yo son (who has Down syndrome) out and the urgency hit. He can be pretty stubborn and is beginning to balk at coming into the woman’s bathroom with me, though I do try to find family bathrooms as much as possible. I could just see myself having an accident while caregiving because I obviously I have to tend to his safety first.

Life changed on a dime for me like it has for so many others. With the risk of accidents and other unpredictable and at times noisy GI symptoms, it seems easier to just not leave the house. When I go out shopping, I always have to case where I am so that I know where the bathroom hits. From the time I feel that first cramp, I have maybe 5 minutes to find a bathroom. And if I have my stubborn son with me, that’s pretty challenging.

I’ve read a lot of personal stories from others with IBD. The surgeries scare me. My kids need me, who will take care of them if I wind up in the hospital for extensive surgery? After my second ER visit this year my son said he was worried about me. It broke my heart.

The stomach pains are awful. The depression is unpredictable and hits me hard. I’m sure anyone who knows me well can tell when it happens because the light just goes out of my eyes. My first Thanksgiving just passed. I made some grain free sides for myself but they just didn’t taste the same. The reality of the Christmas season without the traditional foods that I loved started to get overwhelming.

How Sobriety Helps Me Cope

Many people who have IBD are in a dark place. It’s an overwhelming set of circumstances and mental health help is NOT offered by medical professionals.

Likewise, people in recovery struggle with some form of depression and anxiety. Getting a life altering diagnosis like IBD is traumatic and mind blowing. I’m really grateful to be sober and don’t miss my old life at all. But I do struggle with all that’s on my plate. The longer you stay sober the more things you find that you’re powerless over. To that end, I’ve developed a self care tool box over the years that serves me well since I can’t get to a lot of meetings because of my health issues and family responsibilities.

I’ve found a lot of similarities in coming to terms with IBD and my early days in sobriety.

Being all in. In early sobriety a friend said that whatever I would do for a drink or a drug, I had to apply to recovery. That means to go to any lengths to stay sober. The same applies to IBD for me and staying on such a restrictive protocol. It’s hard as hell, but for the sake of my family and myself I’m willing to go to any lengths that I have to do keep this beast under control. Early in recovery, I used to worry about how I was going to handle potential drinking situations…like what was I going to do New Years Eve or when I got married (yes, I really thought about this!) Now it’s simply a non issue. I don’t drink. It’s who I am. I have to learn and practice the very same principles with managing my IBD and it’s going to take some time..I still get down about what I can’t eat any more.

Daily meditation and quiet time. I have devotions before I check social media or do anything else. It keeps my head straight.

Yoga has become an important recovery modality. So much so that I just signed up for a 200 hour teacher training. I’m not entirely sure of what I’m going to do with it yet, but because of my ongoing mental health issues, I feel like I need to take things to a deeper level. Kind of like the rehab experience that I never had.

Movement. Anxiety cripples me. And makes my illnesses worse. Sometimes it’s just THERE and won’t go away. Doing cardio (Leslie Sansone works great for me) is a great way to burn it off.

Social connections. A lot of this takes place online now. And that’s okay for where I am today. I used to think that virtual connections didn’t really count but right now, they’re vital. I found a couple of good groups for IBD, dystonia and being a sober mom. There’s a big chronic illness and recovery community on Instagram. Knowing other people go through what I do is a relief. Helping someone else out is how I carry the message and get out of my own head.

Doing something creative. I keep this very simple. I like stickers and use them in my planner and journal. I also like to cook (which is a good thing because I have to cook every. single. thing. from scratch now to stay compliant on the SCD.

This is my first holiday season with IBD. It’s going to be different and I’m going to have to just ride it out. Going on close to 10 years of chronic illness and disability now has taught me a lot about pacing myself. If I need a down day or more, that’s okay. I still struggle with future tripping, fear and worry and continually have to remind myself to live one day at a time…and trust that the same God who watched over me in my alcoholic insanity still has my back today as I fight IBD and dystonia.