I’ve been sober since 1986 and a Christian since late 1988 which has now been for most of my adult life. In the daily-ness of my everyday life of homeschooling, shlepping to appointments, homeschool and church groups, the gym, social media and whatever errands the week throws at me it’s been easy for me to forget where I came from and how much I have to be grateful for.
My church’s music ministry excels every Sunday of the year but there was something very special going on yesterday. I was just focusing on the beautiful music and worship when I suddenly got an intense visual picture of another Sunday many years in the past. It was the morning after a cocaine-fueled Saturday night. I got home Sunday morning and was horribly sick. My heart had a weird, irregular beat. I wondered if I was dying. I thought I should go to the hospital but then I would have to admit to what I had been doing. So I decided to stay home and ride it out. I was so weak I couldn’t leave my room for several days. I was plagued by the usual remorse. “Why do I keep doing that?” “Why does this always happen?” “I’ll NEVER do that again!” This was followed by the usual hopelessness and depression that threatened to suffocate me.
And as I was reliving this incident this passage was shared from Romans 6.
“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin, because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.”
Yesterday, somehow this verse struck me in a different way, a more glorious way, a way I had not experienced before even after sitting through sermons from Romans many times through the years. I’m not usually very charismatic but yesterday I really understood what it meant “to be in the Spirit on the Lord’s Day.”
It can be easy to be lulled into complacency and to take things for granted but this was a reminder that God’s mercies are new EVERY morning and great is His faithfulness! He’s not finished with me yet.
Some may wonder why I’m so open about this. In the rooms of recovery I learned that I can only keep what I have by giving it away. I’m not able to get to meetings at this time of my life so the only way I can really give it away right now is through my writing. It’s not about me trying to look good. It’s about sharing my experience, strength and hope so that maybe someone else who is struggling can find Christ and recovery like I did.